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28 April 2014
06 March 2014
Hebrews 12:11-13
One of the ladies shared this verse with our Facebook Group during Made to Crave and ... It hit me. I keep Hebrews 12:11 taped to my treadmill because it reminds me I have to push past the pain of the moment. I'm in training! I don't care about marathons but I do care about replacing bad habits with good habits, destructive habits with constructive habits. Discipline is an action ... We choose it, embrace it, learn from it.Oh ... one more thing ... it's taped to my frig! (Big Grin!)
01 March 2014
The Challenge Ha Been Laid Down
The glove has been thrown down! Who can lose 15 pounds first? Vivian or her friend? (Will not use her name without permission!)
Okay. So what is this about? My friend, sister in Christ, and accountability partner in this journey to crave God more than food; mentioned to me she is a competitive person. When it's a game or a competition, she becomes motivated. Now, I am NOT a competitive person. When the game turns ugly and I see the "competitive person" is getting mad and upset, I remove myself. I don't like trash talk. I don't like seeing the ugly come out. I have seen good Christian men and women act like the devil in the mist of a board game, sporting event. Makes a person question how in tune these folks are with the Holy Spirit! However, that is another blog post!!
So, I got to thinking. I really love my friend. If a competition is what helps motivate her, then I am willing to do it! We both benefit because we are both encouraging each other to crave God more than food AND we both want to see each other succeed at losing the weight.
So this past Wednesday, we texted each other our weights. The rule is whoever loses 15 pounds first sets the next challenge. There's no time. Meaning if it takes 3 months for the 1st one to lose 15 pounds, that's ok. If it is a month, that's ok. (I have found the first 5 to 15 is water! The less sodium intake the more water the body releases.) The key element is to draw closer to God. The key reason is to become Jesus girls who God can use!
Anyway, I have bitten the bullet, laid down the challenge and my sister has accepted! This is the week end for us and all prayers are appreciated!
27 February 2014
Intentional Sacrifice
**Intentional Sacrifice: Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the
importance of making one wise choice after another. What will this look like
for you after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible?**
As I read the chapter 17 in Made To Crave (The Very Next Choice We Make), I found I needed to understand what sustainable means. Its a word I've used over my life time but never put it and discipline together. Do you know what I'm saying? We are looking at "maintainable" discipline. We are looking at an "encouraging" discipline. Is it even possible to "maintain" such a discipline? Is it possible to "maintain" discipline when it comes to the food in my life?
Well, to answer that question, I need to look at the other disciplines in my life. Is it possible for Vivian to have sustainable discipline when it comes to other choices? YES!
Why?
1) I don't want to rotate men in and out of my children's lives, therefore, I choose NOT to bar hop, pick up any Tom or Harry that gives me some sort of attention.
2) I don't want to displease God who has been so faithful in providing for me! I know there's not a man who can fill me nor complete me the way God can. If He wills for me to marry someday, He'll make it happen. If He doesn't want me to marry, then contently single I'll remain! :)
There's other disciplines I maintain too! Each one of these isn't by my own strength! Each one has two part accountability. There is God's Holy Spirit and then there is a person or people I do not wish to disappoint. It's God's Holy Spirit Who gives me the strength and reminds me there is something better in store for me when I choose to listen to His guidance, teachings, and shepherding. It's family, both my physical family and my spiritual family, who love me and want the best for me and I want the best for them.
So, why can't I have a sustainable discipline with food? All I have to do is apply the same concept!
1) I'm powerless on my own and need to rely on God's special gift ... The Holy Spirit.
2) I want to be around for my children's future stuff: graduations, weddings, even their children
3) I want to show God's faithfulness to others but I also want to show my faithfulness to Him; I want to be faithful to God's promptings and walk in His Spirit.
4) I want to be strong (physically) enough to help my elderly mother; and to help her quit worrying about my weight ... it really stresses her out because she knows I'm destined to have what she and my siblings have: heart disease and diabetes. My mother has NEVER been over weight BUT if she were, she wouldn't be able to keep her blood/sugar in check.
5) I want to present my body as a living sacrifice to God. (I heard a joke about living sacrifices! "The problem with living sacrifices is they crawl off the alter!" LOL Oh, how many times have I crawled off the alter?) A living sacrifice pretty much means what have I been willing to give up for Jesus Christ? If I were to be thrown in prison because of my faith ... And the guards rolled in this tray of good smelling food ... And said "In order to eat till your stomach is content, deny Jesus Christ" ... Would I be able to withstand the smells, the growling stomach, and say "Jesus is my Savior and LORD!" OR "Would I deny Jesus just to be able to eat?" Well ... I won't be able to withstand that temptation in prison if I can't withstand that temptation now!!
What choices do I need to make?
1) I need to plan my days better! Have bananas, apples, or something healthy to reach for when I am hungry but it's not time to eat the full meal
2) Don't buy junk food to be in the house that triggers my nose.
3) Breads. I LOVE BREADS! Name it! Know what my two favorites are? Pizza crust from like Domino's or Papa John's. AND Those croissant rolls from Sam's Club! Those are the top 2!! So, don't buy them! LOL If I have only one, I can't stop at one.
4) When making choices, include God in the decision making. Pray. When the cravings hit, pray.
5) One of the things I struggle with is scripture memory. I have managed to memorize some verses BUT what I have found is when the cravings hit, the brain shuts down. Keep scripture cards or verses written in a handy dandy purse size or pocket size book. Keep "go to scripts" on me at all times. When the cravings hit and the brain can only recall John 3:16, I can whip out another verse to go with it! Especially here in the beginning stages!
I love how people say "God will do ALL the work". Well, that's only partly true. There is something I have to do. I have to make the choice, the intentional sacrificial choice, to obey God. It's a contract. IF I'm willing to live in obedience and mercy, He's willing to give me the strength to live in obedience and mercy.
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
3. Intentional Sacrifice ~
Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of
making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you
after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at:
http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf
19 February 2014
#Beneficial
The nice thing about Thursday's Blog Hop with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study is ... there are 4 topics to choose from. I always think "I'll go with ____" and then change my mind last minute!
When you think of "beneficial", what comes to mind? What images does it project on the movie screen set up in the back of your brain? Does it conjure the thought "What do I get out of doing this?" What? That sounds selfish doesn't it? Well ... that's okay! Know why? God wants us to benefit from Him being our Daddy!
Beneficial means "producing good or helpful results" OR try this one on for size! "receiving or entitling one to receive advantage, use, or benefit"
Here's what I'm learning. Because of who I am in Christ, I receive an advantage from God to do THIS life! That "advantage" is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the "ace up my sleeve", "the 8-ball in the corner pocket", "the secret ingredient of the family recipe". The Holy Spirit is about "producing good" fruit in me and a slice of that fruit is self-control (Galatians 5).
On Sunday, I lost a lot of weight. I was on my treadmill, listening to my iPod. I'd raise the incline, lower the incline. Speed up, slow down. The tunes landed on "White Flag" by Chris Tomlin. As I listened to the song and huffed along ("huffing" not "singing"), I found that I had cranked the treadmill up to 4.5 (speed). At 3.8, I'm at a very fast walk or jog, 4.0 my short legs have a hard time keeping up so I have to move them in a running fashion. I'm at 4.5 changing the words to personalize the song "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all to You. I raise my white flag this war with food is over ... I'm tired of fighting and it winning .. It's over, over". I was stomping my foot down and I think my treadmill thought I was going to kill it! In that moment, it was like the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders and I heard a Voice tell me to cut the speed down a bit. The Voice I know full well because I have heard this Voice speak in my heart many a time over the last 10 years ... that nudge, that push from the Holy Spirit. For the first time in years, I feel free! For the first time in years, I do not feel trapped by food!
Self-control / Self-discipline, whatever you want to call it is 1) A slice of the fruit of the Holy Spirit and 2) It's only beneficial if I choose to do it. Self-discipline is embracing the boundaries God is setting up for me and not seeing them as a bunch of rules to keep me from enjoying His delicious gifts BUT seeing them as beneficial to me. Boundaries to be more aware of what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, when I'm eating. Boundaries to say "no" to certain activities that rob me of not just exercising my body but that rob me of exercising my spirit ... those quiet alone time moments at the feet of Jesus!
God doesn't want to starve us of good things. And I think the best way to see following God's ways are beneficial for us is to end this little blog with His Words of Truth ...
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)
When you think of "beneficial", what comes to mind? What images does it project on the movie screen set up in the back of your brain? Does it conjure the thought "What do I get out of doing this?" What? That sounds selfish doesn't it? Well ... that's okay! Know why? God wants us to benefit from Him being our Daddy!
Beneficial means "producing good or helpful results" OR try this one on for size! "receiving or entitling one to receive advantage, use, or benefit"
Here's what I'm learning. Because of who I am in Christ, I receive an advantage from God to do THIS life! That "advantage" is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the "ace up my sleeve", "the 8-ball in the corner pocket", "the secret ingredient of the family recipe". The Holy Spirit is about "producing good" fruit in me and a slice of that fruit is self-control (Galatians 5).
On Sunday, I lost a lot of weight. I was on my treadmill, listening to my iPod. I'd raise the incline, lower the incline. Speed up, slow down. The tunes landed on "White Flag" by Chris Tomlin. As I listened to the song and huffed along ("huffing" not "singing"), I found that I had cranked the treadmill up to 4.5 (speed). At 3.8, I'm at a very fast walk or jog, 4.0 my short legs have a hard time keeping up so I have to move them in a running fashion. I'm at 4.5 changing the words to personalize the song "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all to You. I raise my white flag this war with food is over ... I'm tired of fighting and it winning .. It's over, over". I was stomping my foot down and I think my treadmill thought I was going to kill it! In that moment, it was like the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders and I heard a Voice tell me to cut the speed down a bit. The Voice I know full well because I have heard this Voice speak in my heart many a time over the last 10 years ... that nudge, that push from the Holy Spirit. For the first time in years, I feel free! For the first time in years, I do not feel trapped by food!
Self-control / Self-discipline, whatever you want to call it is 1) A slice of the fruit of the Holy Spirit and 2) It's only beneficial if I choose to do it. Self-discipline is embracing the boundaries God is setting up for me and not seeing them as a bunch of rules to keep me from enjoying His delicious gifts BUT seeing them as beneficial to me. Boundaries to be more aware of what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, when I'm eating. Boundaries to say "no" to certain activities that rob me of not just exercising my body but that rob me of exercising my spirit ... those quiet alone time moments at the feet of Jesus!
God doesn't want to starve us of good things. And I think the best way to see following God's ways are beneficial for us is to end this little blog with His Words of Truth ...
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10 (NIV)
For He satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107:9 (NIV)
and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107:9 (NIV)
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)
12 February 2014
My Pity Party
The Question .... "What clues you into the fact that you are relying on your own strength in your battles with food (or any other struggle)?"
**Edited** I didn't like what I wrote so I'm starting over.
I like what Lysa says about a pity party. However, after I have had some time to think about what my clues are I have a better answer.
One day not long ago, I had "one of those days" where I had left my Bible home. I have this handy dandy New Living Translation that IS perfect to pack around. At work, I'm a custodian and I have to wear a smock. The smock has BIG pockets and I slide that handheld, large pocket sized Bible down in it. That way I always have God's Word with me. When on break of any kind (including potty break), I can read it. I don't always read it but CAN read it. Just knowing it's within reach settles the ole brain. So, my Bible was at home. It was also a day when EVERY minute felt like it was consumed by "other things". Name it! I bet it was distracting me, bidding for my attention. I didn't pray as much. By the end of the day, I was feeling "mean". Tired. Exhausted. All I wanted to do was go home and go to bed and forget the day had existed. That did NOT happen!
Long story short, I blew up at my son! Monster Mom came out with a vengeance! Should he have been disciplined? Yes. Should I have acted the way I acted? No.
I was running on empty. I hadn't taken time with God most of the day. I did my morning prayers and devotional but that was it! When you think about it, we are told to eat 3 healthy meals a day and have 2 or 3 healthy snacks in between. What makes us think we can make it all day on just ONE meal with our God? If we are suppose to eat (healthy) through out the day to keep our physical strength up, shouldn't we be feasting on God's Word and God's Presence through out the day so we are NOT relying on our own strength to carry us through out the day?
My signs are: frustration, irritability, lack of control of the tongue. I can have pit parties but when I really step back and look at how I respond on a day when I haven't spent time, that precious time with my Savior and LORD, I see where things "get on my nerves" more ... I can see my tolerance level is a lot lower ... I can see how my tongue lashes out at people closest to me. These are ALL signs that I have relied on my own strength through out the day ... PERIOD. I don't care if it is food choices, shopping choices, name it ... I've lived on my own strength for that day and it has WORE me out!
When it comes to food, I think I'm past the pity party stage. I don't care there are skinnier women out there. The only thing that bothers me is the stupid commercials for ChristianMingle.com and Eharmony.com. They always use these slimmer men and women for the ads. Instead of having a pity party like I use to, I now get a little upset. Why can't they show the plus size woman or man finding her/his match? Not only that ... how can it be a successful match until they've been married 10 to 15 years at least? Most first time marriages end after 7 years. .... Oh, wait ... That's ANOTHER blog! And as you can see ... that is how Vivian ends up relying on her own strength instead of focusing on Jesus and what He wants me to do NOT focusing on how lame those commercials are. It's THAT fast folks! The second we take our eyes off Jesus and put our focus on something else, we begin relying on our strength and that will wear us out each time.
**Edited** I didn't like what I wrote so I'm starting over.
I like what Lysa says about a pity party. However, after I have had some time to think about what my clues are I have a better answer.
One day not long ago, I had "one of those days" where I had left my Bible home. I have this handy dandy New Living Translation that IS perfect to pack around. At work, I'm a custodian and I have to wear a smock. The smock has BIG pockets and I slide that handheld, large pocket sized Bible down in it. That way I always have God's Word with me. When on break of any kind (including potty break), I can read it. I don't always read it but CAN read it. Just knowing it's within reach settles the ole brain. So, my Bible was at home. It was also a day when EVERY minute felt like it was consumed by "other things". Name it! I bet it was distracting me, bidding for my attention. I didn't pray as much. By the end of the day, I was feeling "mean". Tired. Exhausted. All I wanted to do was go home and go to bed and forget the day had existed. That did NOT happen!
Long story short, I blew up at my son! Monster Mom came out with a vengeance! Should he have been disciplined? Yes. Should I have acted the way I acted? No.
I was running on empty. I hadn't taken time with God most of the day. I did my morning prayers and devotional but that was it! When you think about it, we are told to eat 3 healthy meals a day and have 2 or 3 healthy snacks in between. What makes us think we can make it all day on just ONE meal with our God? If we are suppose to eat (healthy) through out the day to keep our physical strength up, shouldn't we be feasting on God's Word and God's Presence through out the day so we are NOT relying on our own strength to carry us through out the day?
My signs are: frustration, irritability, lack of control of the tongue. I can have pit parties but when I really step back and look at how I respond on a day when I haven't spent time, that precious time with my Savior and LORD, I see where things "get on my nerves" more ... I can see my tolerance level is a lot lower ... I can see how my tongue lashes out at people closest to me. These are ALL signs that I have relied on my own strength through out the day ... PERIOD. I don't care if it is food choices, shopping choices, name it ... I've lived on my own strength for that day and it has WORE me out!
When it comes to food, I think I'm past the pity party stage. I don't care there are skinnier women out there. The only thing that bothers me is the stupid commercials for ChristianMingle.com and Eharmony.com. They always use these slimmer men and women for the ads. Instead of having a pity party like I use to, I now get a little upset. Why can't they show the plus size woman or man finding her/his match? Not only that ... how can it be a successful match until they've been married 10 to 15 years at least? Most first time marriages end after 7 years. .... Oh, wait ... That's ANOTHER blog! And as you can see ... that is how Vivian ends up relying on her own strength instead of focusing on Jesus and what He wants me to do NOT focusing on how lame those commercials are. It's THAT fast folks! The second we take our eyes off Jesus and put our focus on something else, we begin relying on our strength and that will wear us out each time.
09 February 2014
Discipline, Self-Control
Why is it we do not realize our physical health is reflection of our spiritual health? I'm not referring to heart disease, cancer, cataracts on the eyes. I'm referring to our weight. I can hear you already! "Vivian, you are one to be talking! Your WAY over weight!" Well, that's why I'm talking about it because I'm making that connection!
For the first time in my adult life, I am making a connection between my eating/exercise lifestyle to my spiritual health. It all started with A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. There were some hard questions in a section of that book! And I purchased Lose It For Life. There are some hard questions in that book too! Questions that asked about my hurts and pains of the past.
Before we go any further, I realize some folks struggle with a real medical issue that causes weight to come on as well. Do not feel this post is "one more put down about over weight people". First off, I AM OVERWEIGHT! I'm 110 pounds over healthy weight thank you very much!
Why am I over weight? How did I get here? I found out why. I never surrendered part of my heart to God. I THOUGHT I had!! I prayed to Him. I asked Him to heal those hurts, pains, betrayals, and such. However, I kept playing the victim over and over again. I'd lay my troubled heart on the alter and before getting up I'd snatch it back. I'd really like to blame my evil twin because I don't recall picking that junk back up. Just one problem, I don't have an evil twine ... I don't even have a twin! So, it's all me.
The first time I heard a connection between physical discipline being a part of spiritual discipline was in a web cast through Discipleship.org. I was listening to Mark A Maddix speak on Spiritual Formation. I heard it. I didn't get it. There was a seed planted there. A seed planted. I received the Email with the talk's power points. I read through them. Liked his tweaked version of the definitions of spiritual formation. It didn't sink in! Here it is ...
Now, I'd like to say I laid them all down right then and there. Sometimes when something has been in our heart so long, it grows a huge tap root. These weren't things I could just surrender ... There were things I needed help surrendering!! I needed the Holy Spirit to take a grubbing hole, pick ax, and post hole digger to my heart! This junk had taken root! A deep root! This stuff is the stuff that set me on searching for comfort, love, escape. This stuff is the stuff that drove me to food. This is the stuff that the enemy has used for years to keep my trapped. As long as I was trapped by this stuff, I couldn't experience the fullness of God's presence. I needed help! Fortunately, I knew who to turn to. God hadn't left me to do this on my own. He wanted to dig that root out as much as I wanted help getting it removed! Once I saw that stuff still had a hold on me, I prayed! People, it don't got me NO MO! (Yes, I worded it just like that on purpose!)
However, I'm left with the habits. The habit of turning to food and not God. Which brings me to Made to Crave study through Proverbs 31 Online Study. I have to be retrained. I have to be reprogrammed. My weight is evidence of my struggle. I didn't put it on over night and it will not come off over night. It will require discipline! It will require self-control! Do you know what those two things are? Fruit of the Holy Spirit.
I know this is what God is wanting me to do. This week end, I received more affirmation! Folks, there IS a connection to our choices and our spiritual health/development. Don't give me a legalistic check list "Well, I don't drink or get drunk. I don't sleep around. I don't smoke. I go to church 3 times a week. I attend every Bible Study offered." The question is ... What is Jesus asking you to give up to follow Him? Consider this passage in Luke:
Do you see the list Jesus gave this fellow? "You know the commandments ...." The fellow must have been excited! "All these I have kept since I was a boy." But then Jesus busted his bubble. This fellow had something, longed for something, craved something more than he wanted "to inherit eternal life". The question is ... What is it Jesus is telling you to give up to have a closer walk with Him? What is it that Jesus sees in your life that you desire more than you desire Him? Those are questions only you can answer! Maybe it is shopping. When you have argued with your spouse, kids, or co-worker you feel the the need to have a shopping trip? Maybe it's television or movies. When you have had a stressful day, do you feel the need to escape into a good story line from your favorite TV series? When you are frustrated and find yourself wringing your hands, do you search the cabinet for something to eat? What do you turn to FIRST in time of trouble, sorrow, stress, anxiety, frustrations? Whatever that is ... that is probably what Jesus is telling you to give up. ANYTHING WE PUT FIRST BEFORE GOD, IS WHAT GOD IS GOING TO ASK FOR! If you by-pass God for shopping, for entertainment, for sex, for food, for scrapbooking, for beer, for cigarette, for church activities (yep, busy life at church sometimes is our drug of choice), etc; God wants. This is something only God and the individual can work on. It's different for each one of us. Mine happens to be food and entertainment. God wants them both!
I'm empowered by the Holy Spirit. Am I human? Yes. Will I slip up? Probably. I hate to say "no" and find myself wolfing down the donuts at church this AM! Temptation will be waiting for me as soon as I open those glass, double doors! I like what Chapter 8 in Made to Crave spoke about ... Delight in obedience. The Holy Spirit and I are going to take this one day at a time.
Which I'll leave you with this video ... "One Day At A Time"
For the first time in my adult life, I am making a connection between my eating/exercise lifestyle to my spiritual health. It all started with A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. There were some hard questions in a section of that book! And I purchased Lose It For Life. There are some hard questions in that book too! Questions that asked about my hurts and pains of the past.
Before we go any further, I realize some folks struggle with a real medical issue that causes weight to come on as well. Do not feel this post is "one more put down about over weight people". First off, I AM OVERWEIGHT! I'm 110 pounds over healthy weight thank you very much!
Why am I over weight? How did I get here? I found out why. I never surrendered part of my heart to God. I THOUGHT I had!! I prayed to Him. I asked Him to heal those hurts, pains, betrayals, and such. However, I kept playing the victim over and over again. I'd lay my troubled heart on the alter and before getting up I'd snatch it back. I'd really like to blame my evil twin because I don't recall picking that junk back up. Just one problem, I don't have an evil twine ... I don't even have a twin! So, it's all me.
The first time I heard a connection between physical discipline being a part of spiritual discipline was in a web cast through Discipleship.org. I was listening to Mark A Maddix speak on Spiritual Formation. I heard it. I didn't get it. There was a seed planted there. A seed planted. I received the Email with the talk's power points. I read through them. Liked his tweaked version of the definitions of spiritual formation. It didn't sink in! Here it is ...
I did the Proverbs 31 "Yes to God" Online Bible Study. Then came "A Confident Heart". There was one section that really hit home and made me realize there were things in my heart that I hadn't surrendered to God. One day, I was walking around LifeWay Store. I wondered into the "dieting" section and this title jumped out at me "Lose It For Life". I took the book off the shelf. Went to the comfy chairs, sat down, and read the introduction. Know what? It affirmed what I was reading in "A Confident Heart"! So, I bought it. It too asked some tough questions. There is one whole page marked with all my hurts, pains, betrayals. God was like "Vivian, I want those. I want to redeem those."“Spiritual Formation is a process of being transformed into Christlikeness, through communal practices and participation in the “means of grace,” while giving attention to the care of self, which is demonstrated in loving others and being actively engaged in God’s redemption of all humans and creation.”Mark A. Maddix, 2011
Now, I'd like to say I laid them all down right then and there. Sometimes when something has been in our heart so long, it grows a huge tap root. These weren't things I could just surrender ... There were things I needed help surrendering!! I needed the Holy Spirit to take a grubbing hole, pick ax, and post hole digger to my heart! This junk had taken root! A deep root! This stuff is the stuff that set me on searching for comfort, love, escape. This stuff is the stuff that drove me to food. This is the stuff that the enemy has used for years to keep my trapped. As long as I was trapped by this stuff, I couldn't experience the fullness of God's presence. I needed help! Fortunately, I knew who to turn to. God hadn't left me to do this on my own. He wanted to dig that root out as much as I wanted help getting it removed! Once I saw that stuff still had a hold on me, I prayed! People, it don't got me NO MO! (Yes, I worded it just like that on purpose!)
However, I'm left with the habits. The habit of turning to food and not God. Which brings me to Made to Crave study through Proverbs 31 Online Study. I have to be retrained. I have to be reprogrammed. My weight is evidence of my struggle. I didn't put it on over night and it will not come off over night. It will require discipline! It will require self-control! Do you know what those two things are? Fruit of the Holy Spirit.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:19-25 (NIV)
22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Galatians 5:22-23 (MSG)
I know this is what God is wanting me to do. This week end, I received more affirmation! Folks, there IS a connection to our choices and our spiritual health/development. Don't give me a legalistic check list "Well, I don't drink or get drunk. I don't sleep around. I don't smoke. I go to church 3 times a week. I attend every Bible Study offered." The question is ... What is Jesus asking you to give up to follow Him? Consider this passage in Luke:
18 A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
19 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’”
21 “All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said.
22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
23 When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. 24 Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! 25 Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Luke 18:18-23 (NIV)
Do you see the list Jesus gave this fellow? "You know the commandments ...." The fellow must have been excited! "All these I have kept since I was a boy." But then Jesus busted his bubble. This fellow had something, longed for something, craved something more than he wanted "to inherit eternal life". The question is ... What is it Jesus is telling you to give up to have a closer walk with Him? What is it that Jesus sees in your life that you desire more than you desire Him? Those are questions only you can answer! Maybe it is shopping. When you have argued with your spouse, kids, or co-worker you feel the the need to have a shopping trip? Maybe it's television or movies. When you have had a stressful day, do you feel the need to escape into a good story line from your favorite TV series? When you are frustrated and find yourself wringing your hands, do you search the cabinet for something to eat? What do you turn to FIRST in time of trouble, sorrow, stress, anxiety, frustrations? Whatever that is ... that is probably what Jesus is telling you to give up. ANYTHING WE PUT FIRST BEFORE GOD, IS WHAT GOD IS GOING TO ASK FOR! If you by-pass God for shopping, for entertainment, for sex, for food, for scrapbooking, for beer, for cigarette, for church activities (yep, busy life at church sometimes is our drug of choice), etc; God wants. This is something only God and the individual can work on. It's different for each one of us. Mine happens to be food and entertainment. God wants them both!
I'm empowered by the Holy Spirit. Am I human? Yes. Will I slip up? Probably. I hate to say "no" and find myself wolfing down the donuts at church this AM! Temptation will be waiting for me as soon as I open those glass, double doors! I like what Chapter 8 in Made to Crave spoke about ... Delight in obedience. The Holy Spirit and I are going to take this one day at a time.
Which I'll leave you with this video ... "One Day At A Time"
05 February 2014
Delighting In Obedience?
Is THAT even possible? To "delight in obedience"?
YES!
When the kids' father and I divorced, we "dated" for a little while afterward. I use the word "dated" loosely. There was a part of me that wanted to put our family back together. I wanted to provide my children with a "whole" family ... complete with Mom and Dad ... Dad and Mom. Then something happened that scared me to death! The kids' father and I had sex. Yes! You read that right! We had sex outside the bonds of marriage. The little voice inside my head kept saying "It's ok. He was your husband. Aren't you still married in the eyes of God?" Then there was another voice. A disappointed voice ... "You AREN'T married now."
For 3 days God did not talk to me. Want to know what Hell on Earth is like? Folks, I can tell you! It is not hearing God's Voice. Not being in God's presence. It is a black moment when God is hurt and disappointed. I cried. I begged. I pleaded. When God opened up to me and spoke, it was stern, "matter of fact", and to the point. "Who provided means for you to get your car? Who provided you means to purchase much needed clothing? Who has put a roof over your head and food on your table? Who provided you the job you have? Who has opened the flood gates of Heaven and poured out blessings on you and has showered you with true love?"
Now, to some ... that might not sound like God. If you ever read the book of Job, you'll find a Voice just like that! God will be honest with us! At that point, I didn't care about how He sounded like a stern Father or a jealous Lover! I was so happy He was talking to me!
I had a problem. How would I get out of the tangled mess I was finding myself in? How was I going to avoid becoming the woman of "yesterday" again?
Obedience! Complete surrender of my desires ... that desire to be in a physical relationship. That desire for "me to fix my family". ALL my thoughts about what a perfect family is and should be surrendered.
I delight in obeying God because I have found when God says "Don't do ?????", He is looking out for my best interest! I have found when God says "Go ahead, do ??????", He is looking out for my best interest! Obeying God isn't about ALL this list of things I have to give up, it is about trusting God knows better than me. I have also discovered when I disobey God, I find myself in a world of crazy mess! Sometimes its not even the story I have described. It can be as simple as allowing the busy to take over my prayer life. I had that happen not long ago and my reaction at the end of the day didn't reveal a woman who walks in delightful obedience to the Living God! I'm not sure who that woman was THAT day! Some kind of ugly!
Now ... what I talked about at the beginning of this post IS a long time ago! I'm not defined by that moment. Even the other day when "the ugly" came out, I'm not defined by that moment either. However, I'm at a new place. Food and entertainment do not define me either!! God is calling me out to trust Him and lean on Him even more! I will delight in obedience to God's will and desires because He IS trustworthy, IS faithful, and DOES know what is best for me. It's time to surrender the gods in my life that keep me from experiencing the full Presence of God. When I find myself in a stressful situation and I choose whatever food is available to consume for comfort, that is me by-passing God and choosing food over Him. When I have had a long day and I don't want to deal with what is going on at home and I choose to lose myself in several episodes on Netflix, that is me by-passing God and choosing entertainment as an escape instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus and finding rest. God is now saying "Vivian, it's time. It's time to take our relationship up several steps. You are able to do it! I've been with you through many other hard patterns to break and I WILL be with you now. It's time. I want to tear down the idols on the shelf of your heart."
I was only going to share part of Isaiah 55. However, the whole chapter is more fitting! If you don't have time to read the whole thing, read the the bold parts:
YES!
When the kids' father and I divorced, we "dated" for a little while afterward. I use the word "dated" loosely. There was a part of me that wanted to put our family back together. I wanted to provide my children with a "whole" family ... complete with Mom and Dad ... Dad and Mom. Then something happened that scared me to death! The kids' father and I had sex. Yes! You read that right! We had sex outside the bonds of marriage. The little voice inside my head kept saying "It's ok. He was your husband. Aren't you still married in the eyes of God?" Then there was another voice. A disappointed voice ... "You AREN'T married now."
For 3 days God did not talk to me. Want to know what Hell on Earth is like? Folks, I can tell you! It is not hearing God's Voice. Not being in God's presence. It is a black moment when God is hurt and disappointed. I cried. I begged. I pleaded. When God opened up to me and spoke, it was stern, "matter of fact", and to the point. "Who provided means for you to get your car? Who provided you means to purchase much needed clothing? Who has put a roof over your head and food on your table? Who provided you the job you have? Who has opened the flood gates of Heaven and poured out blessings on you and has showered you with true love?"
Now, to some ... that might not sound like God. If you ever read the book of Job, you'll find a Voice just like that! God will be honest with us! At that point, I didn't care about how He sounded like a stern Father or a jealous Lover! I was so happy He was talking to me!
I had a problem. How would I get out of the tangled mess I was finding myself in? How was I going to avoid becoming the woman of "yesterday" again?
Obedience! Complete surrender of my desires ... that desire to be in a physical relationship. That desire for "me to fix my family". ALL my thoughts about what a perfect family is and should be surrendered.
I delight in obeying God because I have found when God says "Don't do ?????", He is looking out for my best interest! I have found when God says "Go ahead, do ??????", He is looking out for my best interest! Obeying God isn't about ALL this list of things I have to give up, it is about trusting God knows better than me. I have also discovered when I disobey God, I find myself in a world of crazy mess! Sometimes its not even the story I have described. It can be as simple as allowing the busy to take over my prayer life. I had that happen not long ago and my reaction at the end of the day didn't reveal a woman who walks in delightful obedience to the Living God! I'm not sure who that woman was THAT day! Some kind of ugly!
Now ... what I talked about at the beginning of this post IS a long time ago! I'm not defined by that moment. Even the other day when "the ugly" came out, I'm not defined by that moment either. However, I'm at a new place. Food and entertainment do not define me either!! God is calling me out to trust Him and lean on Him even more! I will delight in obedience to God's will and desires because He IS trustworthy, IS faithful, and DOES know what is best for me. It's time to surrender the gods in my life that keep me from experiencing the full Presence of God. When I find myself in a stressful situation and I choose whatever food is available to consume for comfort, that is me by-passing God and choosing food over Him. When I have had a long day and I don't want to deal with what is going on at home and I choose to lose myself in several episodes on Netflix, that is me by-passing God and choosing entertainment as an escape instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus and finding rest. God is now saying "Vivian, it's time. It's time to take our relationship up several steps. You are able to do it! I've been with you through many other hard patterns to break and I WILL be with you now. It's time. I want to tear down the idols on the shelf of your heart."
I was only going to share part of Isaiah 55. However, the whole chapter is more fitting! If you don't have time to read the whole thing, read the the bold parts:
“Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”
Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
01 February 2014
I Am ... You are ..
Saw this on Facebook and had to share! I do know who should get credit, just know it's not mine.
30 January 2014
My Identity In Christ
Who am I?
Vivian the abandon? Vivian the rejected? Vivian the divorcee? Vivian the heavy set lady?
NO!!!
Vivian is God's workmanship! Depending on the version of the Bible, I am God's masterpiece!
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV)
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
Vivian, the forgiven child of God.
Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. Romans 3:24 (NLT)
Vivian, the set free child of God.
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2 (NLT)
Vivian, the accepted child of God.
I am writing to God’s church in Corinth, to you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus, just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 1 Corinthians 1:2 (NLT)
Vivian, the holy child of God.
God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 1 Corinthians 1:30 (NLT)
Vivian, the made-new child of God.
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
Vivian, the loved child of God. AND CHOSEN by God!
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4 (NLT)
Vivian, the close child of God.
But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13 (NLT)
Vivian, the confident child of God.
Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. Ephesians 3:12
Vivian, the victorious child of God.
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:37 (NLT)
Oh there is so much more!!! These don't even touch the "tip of the iceberg" of my identity in Christ! These are good promises for me to cling to. These are good promises for you to cling to! I am made for so much more than what the voices of my circumstances yell at me! I am made to crave God! I am made to love God! I am made to serve God with all my heart, soul, and strength! Sometime in like choices were made by others that hurt me. Sometime in life choices were made by me that hurt me. God is like ... "Let Me redeem that hurt and use it to help another who is hurting. Let Me have it, heal it, redeem it, and use it."
You are made for more!
I'd like to share a link with you. This lady isn't a part of the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study BUT she is the first person I read who's list started making me see me the way God sees me. Here is a direct link to Sharon Jaynes page with the list called My New Identity In Christ:
http://sharonjaynes.com/my-new-identity-in-christ/#sthash.BhYtss8m.dpbs
Vivian the abandon? Vivian the rejected? Vivian the divorcee? Vivian the heavy set lady?
NO!!!
Vivian is God's workmanship! Depending on the version of the Bible, I am God's masterpiece!
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV)
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
Vivian, the forgiven child of God.
Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. Romans 3:24 (NLT)
Vivian, the set free child of God.
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2 (NLT)
Vivian, the accepted child of God.
I am writing to God’s church in Corinth, to you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus, just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 1 Corinthians 1:2 (NLT)
Vivian, the holy child of God.
God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 1 Corinthians 1:30 (NLT)
Vivian, the made-new child of God.
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
Vivian, the loved child of God. AND CHOSEN by God!
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4 (NLT)
Vivian, the close child of God.
But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13 (NLT)
Vivian, the confident child of God.
Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. Ephesians 3:12
Vivian, the victorious child of God.
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:37 (NLT)
Oh there is so much more!!! These don't even touch the "tip of the iceberg" of my identity in Christ! These are good promises for me to cling to. These are good promises for you to cling to! I am made for so much more than what the voices of my circumstances yell at me! I am made to crave God! I am made to love God! I am made to serve God with all my heart, soul, and strength! Sometime in like choices were made by others that hurt me. Sometime in life choices were made by me that hurt me. God is like ... "Let Me redeem that hurt and use it to help another who is hurting. Let Me have it, heal it, redeem it, and use it."
You are made for more!
I'd like to share a link with you. This lady isn't a part of the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study BUT she is the first person I read who's list started making me see me the way God sees me. Here is a direct link to Sharon Jaynes page with the list called My New Identity In Christ:
http://sharonjaynes.com/my-new-identity-in-christ/#sthash.BhYtss8m.dpbs
28 January 2014
THIS IS HARD! Denying the Crave
Right now, I really ... really want something to eat! My stomach isn't yelling at me but my senses are ... We watched Touched By An Angel tonight. LOVE Della Reese! Roma Downing! Anyway, when I watch television for whatever reason in the realm of pure entertainment, I eat a snack. So, tonight, I ate an apple or two. That should have did the trick, right? Nope! My tongue is use to the that popcorn stuff. Something sweet and chocolatey. And I denied myself that craving. I ate an apple.
You see, I'm not hungry! It's habit. I feel full! It's habit. My body is use to demanding something and me responding. I have to train myself to say "no" to its demands.
So, here I am ... blogging. Rambling about denying this crave. You know what? It's starting to lower ... starting to fade. I just needed to wait and do something else to take my mind off it. Give it time to pass.
Well ... y'all may see a lot of these! LOL
You see, I'm not hungry! It's habit. I feel full! It's habit. My body is use to demanding something and me responding. I have to train myself to say "no" to its demands.
So, here I am ... blogging. Rambling about denying this crave. You know what? It's starting to lower ... starting to fade. I just needed to wait and do something else to take my mind off it. Give it time to pass.
Well ... y'all may see a lot of these! LOL
23 January 2014
Permissible But Not Beneficial
First, I'm enjoying the study on Made to Crave (M2C) byLysa TerKeurst through the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study. It is affirming another book I am working through called Lose It For Life (LIFL).
In LIFL, the writers mention once we turn 21 we are adults and can do WHATEVER we want. We can smoke cigarettes. We can have sex. We can go where we want and when we want. HOWEVER, many of these things cause problems. Just because we can doesn't mean we should.
Let's talk about the issue with sex. Just because our parents are not hovering over us doesn't make having sexual relationships outside of marriage beneficial. In my personal experience, many years ago, it left me feeling empty. I wanted to be loved so bad! There wasn't any security. The guy can go anytime he wanted and never hear from him again. No accountability. No responsibility. Emptiness. Rejection. Then there's the moment of complete desperation and fear no one would ever love me that I settled for someone who poured all kinds of physical attention on me. We did marry and we did divorce. That's my personal experience! It's a miracle I didn't contact a disease!! That's the other down side to sexual relationships that aren't in a sealed, committed marriage. Both men and women run a HIGH risk of getting a sexual disease. Another goes back to responsibility. What if a child is born? The "un-beneficial" could go on and on. Just because "we can" doesn't mean "we should". There are emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences to the mentality of "I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want!". Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial.
Now, I'll move to food. I'm 36 years old. I work for a living. I earn my money. Why can't I eat whatever I want to eat? Oreos are delicious! Nutella on waffles are a delight! Oh ... those chocolate chocolate chip muffins from Sam's are to DIE for! Then there are the potato chips. And the cheese sauces and dips. Oh the dinners a church can throw! Along with ice cream socials!! Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh, so delicious! I'm a good girl. I'm a single mom. I give up so much for my children and for God. I do all these things so right! I quit drinking alcohol years ago because I saw the path I was on. I've never smoked. I haven't ever abused drugs. I haven't been with a man since the divorce .... since the kids' dad. Why can't I have something that taste good? Why can't I have some pleasure?
Well, here's the problem. Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial. You see ... heart disease runs in my family and so does diabetes. In 2012, I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers Online. Life happened and I lost interest, lost my drive to want to. I gained it ALL back in 2013! I actually had a scare over the week end, thought I had gained more!! Turns out it was the swelling from being sick. Over the week end, the scale said 268. This morning (1/22/14) the scale said 261. I'm tired. I'm cranky. My mother is worried half to death I'm going to have a heart attack any day (my brother did have one at age 42). Just because I can eat whatever I want doesn't mean I should.
Food isn't evil. It's needed to nourish our bodies. There's nothing wrong with enjoying what we eat as long as it is in moderation. Food is a gift from God to us!
As far as the comment about how much I already sacrifice for my children and God ... Truth is ... God wants what is best for me! He wants my heart to be healthy and my blood sugar to be under control. He wants me to live the days He has numbered for me to the fullest. If I don't make changes, I won't get to do that. I may not live to see my daughter get married. I may not live to see my son graduate. The benefits of changing ARE far better than the the consequences of this mentality "It's my body, I can do what I want!" Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial to me ... to God ... to my two beautiful children ... to my poor mother!
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Hebrews 12:11-13 (NIV)
19 January 2014
Made to Crave -- Vivian's Take
Started the Proverbs Online Bible Study, Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I hope I can join in the blog hop on this one! I'd like to take time to write about an article by Christianity Today calling this "The Newest Gnostic Christian Diet".
First, "Made To Crave" isn't just about food. How many of us turn to drugs, sex, porn, shopping, alcohol or other things rather than to God? We all have a "God shaped" hole in our heart that leads us to crave Him. Instead of filling that hole with God, we fill it with other things and those things DO NOT satisfy! Only God, the Living God, can help me in my situations, not food.
Second, I'd like to address this in the article is this quote "TerKeurst doesn't advocate going without food, but she does advocate a rigid devotion to a "healthy eating plan" (plus exercise) of the reader's choice." Is this not what we call a "spiritual discipline" or "spiritual formation"?
Most of you know, I'm a member of the Church of the Nazarene. I'd like to quote one of our boys on the definition of spiritual formation:
Did you catch that? "Giving attention to the care of self" .... There was one section of the webcast Maddix talked about his diet and exercise routine! There is nothing wrong with a person having a "rigid diet and exercise routine" in place to help him/her to be healthy. Don't we encourage someone who is addicted to porn to avoid the magazine isle? Don't we say "Don't take an alcoholic to a bar"? What's the difference? Why is the addiction to food taken so lightly? In the book "Lose It For Life", the authors raise the question why isn't gluttony preached on? (Not a direct quote but a paraphrase.)
Food isn't bad. Food is needed for nourishment. Food CAN NOT become the god we turn to satisfy the crave God has placed in us for Him! It's not going to work! What happens is we begin to worship the gift rather than the Giver. This can be anything God has given us! When we focus on the gift rather than the Giver, we have a problem. Know what? It's okay to address that problem.
Are there bad foods? Yes. Are some foods bad for some people? Well ... lets see ... Doctors put heart patients on low sodium and lower fat diets. Doctors put diabetics on no sugar or low carb diets. So, YES!
Lysa will be the first to tell you she loves the boxed brownie mix! What I encourage you to do is this: just because someone in the "Christian" realm writes a review on a book, don't take their word for it. Read it for yourself. Don't just read it by itself. Read the Bible, which is the source of Truth, along with the book. Compare the book to what the Bible says. Test it against God's Word.
Here's the jest of things .... God created each of us to crave Him. Inside you, there is a God shaped hole. Whatever you are trying to put in that hole to feel fulfilled, will only leaving you feeling more empty. And this ... this is what "Made To Crave" is about!
With all this said, this is where God and me are at. This will be the GREATEST and MOST DIFFICULT of my struggles! It has been for 15 years. Food is how I have handled so many traumatizing situations. It makes me feel good to have that sweet in the moment of hurt and pain. Last year, I lost 50 pounds and I have gained it ALL back in the matter of months. I need help! I need God's help! I don't care if someone's feeling get hurt if I don't try her cake or pasta dish. This is my health. My brother had a heart attack at age 42. My sister is diabetic and takes blood pressure medicine. My mother has congestive heart failure, one working artery, and is diabetic too. This is about me needing to become healthy. Before I can become physically healthy, I have to find out the spiritual why's. I'm on the right track! In the "Lose It For Life" book, I have really did some soul searching. I'm discovering there are things I have never let God heal me on. I thought I had but the best to tell if there is real healing is how often we think about the hurt or pain ... how often we talk about it. God wants to redeem our story for His glory! We have to let Him!
Resources:
Lysa TerKeurst http://lysaterkeurst.com/made-to-crave/
ChristianityToday http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/march/newest-gnostic-christian-diet.html
And the PowerPoint from the Webcast: "Living the Life Spiritual Formation Defined"
First, "Made To Crave" isn't just about food. How many of us turn to drugs, sex, porn, shopping, alcohol or other things rather than to God? We all have a "God shaped" hole in our heart that leads us to crave Him. Instead of filling that hole with God, we fill it with other things and those things DO NOT satisfy! Only God, the Living God, can help me in my situations, not food.
Second, I'd like to address this in the article is this quote "TerKeurst doesn't advocate going without food, but she does advocate a rigid devotion to a "healthy eating plan" (plus exercise) of the reader's choice." Is this not what we call a "spiritual discipline" or "spiritual formation"?
Most of you know, I'm a member of the Church of the Nazarene. I'd like to quote one of our boys on the definition of spiritual formation:
“Spiritual Formation is a process of being transformed into Christlikeness, through communal practices and participation in the “means of grace,” while giving attention to the care of self, which is demonstrated in loving others and being actively engaged in God’s redemption of all humans and creation.”Mark A. Maddix, 2011
Did you catch that? "Giving attention to the care of self" .... There was one section of the webcast Maddix talked about his diet and exercise routine! There is nothing wrong with a person having a "rigid diet and exercise routine" in place to help him/her to be healthy. Don't we encourage someone who is addicted to porn to avoid the magazine isle? Don't we say "Don't take an alcoholic to a bar"? What's the difference? Why is the addiction to food taken so lightly? In the book "Lose It For Life", the authors raise the question why isn't gluttony preached on? (Not a direct quote but a paraphrase.)
Food isn't bad. Food is needed for nourishment. Food CAN NOT become the god we turn to satisfy the crave God has placed in us for Him! It's not going to work! What happens is we begin to worship the gift rather than the Giver. This can be anything God has given us! When we focus on the gift rather than the Giver, we have a problem. Know what? It's okay to address that problem.
Are there bad foods? Yes. Are some foods bad for some people? Well ... lets see ... Doctors put heart patients on low sodium and lower fat diets. Doctors put diabetics on no sugar or low carb diets. So, YES!
Lysa will be the first to tell you she loves the boxed brownie mix! What I encourage you to do is this: just because someone in the "Christian" realm writes a review on a book, don't take their word for it. Read it for yourself. Don't just read it by itself. Read the Bible, which is the source of Truth, along with the book. Compare the book to what the Bible says. Test it against God's Word.
Here's the jest of things .... God created each of us to crave Him. Inside you, there is a God shaped hole. Whatever you are trying to put in that hole to feel fulfilled, will only leaving you feeling more empty. And this ... this is what "Made To Crave" is about!
With all this said, this is where God and me are at. This will be the GREATEST and MOST DIFFICULT of my struggles! It has been for 15 years. Food is how I have handled so many traumatizing situations. It makes me feel good to have that sweet in the moment of hurt and pain. Last year, I lost 50 pounds and I have gained it ALL back in the matter of months. I need help! I need God's help! I don't care if someone's feeling get hurt if I don't try her cake or pasta dish. This is my health. My brother had a heart attack at age 42. My sister is diabetic and takes blood pressure medicine. My mother has congestive heart failure, one working artery, and is diabetic too. This is about me needing to become healthy. Before I can become physically healthy, I have to find out the spiritual why's. I'm on the right track! In the "Lose It For Life" book, I have really did some soul searching. I'm discovering there are things I have never let God heal me on. I thought I had but the best to tell if there is real healing is how often we think about the hurt or pain ... how often we talk about it. God wants to redeem our story for His glory! We have to let Him!
Resources:
Lysa TerKeurst http://lysaterkeurst.com/made-to-crave/
ChristianityToday http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/march/newest-gnostic-christian-diet.html
And the PowerPoint from the Webcast: "Living the Life Spiritual Formation Defined"
21 December 2013
Insights: Things I'm Learning
..... About Me! :)
Over the past several weeks, I haven't had much time to blog. Between sitting in car rider lines to pick the kids up from activities or to rush them to activities, Mom being without a car, and Bible Studies; there's not been much time to sit down and blog. THAT might be a good thing!
Bible Studies? Plural? YES! I've did one through Proverbs 31 Ministries called "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope which caused me to trip upon another book that is a mix of Bible Study and well ... weight loss but this is an on going study. I've signed up with Mary Southerland to receive her weekly studies. The first one was about 7 weeks called "A Balanced Life" and that led into the second one about "Holiday Blues". Know what they all have in common?
I live for an audience of One!
Other people do not determine my identity. Other people do not control my time, money, nor energy. I'm not working to figure out who I am nor to please people! I am created for God's purpose and only His purpose! "No one else's" purpose nor agenda matters!
Circumstances do not define me! I'm learning (key word is "learning") to separate my identity from the circumstance. Just because I "fail" at something doesn't make me a failure. When I have a "monster" mom moment doesn't make me a "bad" mom.
Balance and moderation are keys to health! Not just physical health, this is a by product to spiritual health. Prayer and Bible study is a heart who is seeking God's purpose and God's will. Spending time at Jesus feet, learning what He desires for us brings our lives into perspective. He doesn't have a long "to do list" for anyone of us. Is there work to be done? Yes!
One of the books we read for our 40 days of prayer at church is Draw The Circle by Mark Batterson. I'm currently working on The Circle Maker. One of the phrases that occurs a lot in both books is "Work like it depends on us but pray like it depends on God." To me, this means there has to be a healthy balance of prayer and work together. Be careful NOT to jump ahead of God and do things out of His timing, but work releasing we are powerless without Him at our side!
You've heard the old saying "God helps those who helps themselves"? Well, there is spiritual logic to this statement. For an example. Let's say you need a job, or want to change jobs. You pray "LORD, I need a job! Please open up opportunities to me. Lead me to the one You want me to have." BUT you never put in a job application. Don't you think it's going to be a little hard for potential employers to contact you?
Now ... there is also some not so good theology in that statement. Because, God helps many a people who aren't capable of helping themselves. I'm learning though how "Work like it depends on us but pray like it depends on God" AND "God helps those who help themselves" are two phrases that mean the same. As maturing believers, we have to be open to the idea that maybe we are the answer to our prayer and possibly the answer to another person's prayer. We are in a living partnership with Jesus Christ, a beautiful marriage. There are choices to be made, work that needs to be done by us for Him but NOT without Him! We won't know what our task is until we spend quality time with Him getting to know what His Voice sounds like.
Over the past several weeks, I haven't had much time to blog. Between sitting in car rider lines to pick the kids up from activities or to rush them to activities, Mom being without a car, and Bible Studies; there's not been much time to sit down and blog. THAT might be a good thing!
Bible Studies? Plural? YES! I've did one through Proverbs 31 Ministries called "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope which caused me to trip upon another book that is a mix of Bible Study and well ... weight loss but this is an on going study. I've signed up with Mary Southerland to receive her weekly studies. The first one was about 7 weeks called "A Balanced Life" and that led into the second one about "Holiday Blues". Know what they all have in common?
I live for an audience of One!
Other people do not determine my identity. Other people do not control my time, money, nor energy. I'm not working to figure out who I am nor to please people! I am created for God's purpose and only His purpose! "No one else's" purpose nor agenda matters!
Circumstances do not define me! I'm learning (key word is "learning") to separate my identity from the circumstance. Just because I "fail" at something doesn't make me a failure. When I have a "monster" mom moment doesn't make me a "bad" mom.
Balance and moderation are keys to health! Not just physical health, this is a by product to spiritual health. Prayer and Bible study is a heart who is seeking God's purpose and God's will. Spending time at Jesus feet, learning what He desires for us brings our lives into perspective. He doesn't have a long "to do list" for anyone of us. Is there work to be done? Yes!
One of the books we read for our 40 days of prayer at church is Draw The Circle by Mark Batterson. I'm currently working on The Circle Maker. One of the phrases that occurs a lot in both books is "Work like it depends on us but pray like it depends on God." To me, this means there has to be a healthy balance of prayer and work together. Be careful NOT to jump ahead of God and do things out of His timing, but work releasing we are powerless without Him at our side!
You've heard the old saying "God helps those who helps themselves"? Well, there is spiritual logic to this statement. For an example. Let's say you need a job, or want to change jobs. You pray "LORD, I need a job! Please open up opportunities to me. Lead me to the one You want me to have." BUT you never put in a job application. Don't you think it's going to be a little hard for potential employers to contact you?
Now ... there is also some not so good theology in that statement. Because, God helps many a people who aren't capable of helping themselves. I'm learning though how "Work like it depends on us but pray like it depends on God" AND "God helps those who help themselves" are two phrases that mean the same. As maturing believers, we have to be open to the idea that maybe we are the answer to our prayer and possibly the answer to another person's prayer. We are in a living partnership with Jesus Christ, a beautiful marriage. There are choices to be made, work that needs to be done by us for Him but NOT without Him! We won't know what our task is until we spend quality time with Him getting to know what His Voice sounds like.
20 December 2013
Things To Do To Stay Young
This list was in a Bible Study but the author of the study didn't take credit for writing the list. So, neither will I! LOL
Things To Do To Stay Young
Things To Do To Stay Young
1.
Throw out non-essential numbers such as your age, weight, and height.
2.
Keep only cheerful friends close. The grouches pull you down. If you really
need a grouch, there are probably family members to fill that need.
3.
Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just
never let the brain stay in neutral gear.
4.
Enjoy the simple things. When the children are young - that is all you can
afford. When they are in college - that is all you can afford. When they are
grown, and you are living on retirement, that is all you can afford.
5.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that
you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.
6.
The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person that is with us
our entire life is ourselves.
7.
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies or whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8.
Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9.
Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country -
but not guilt.
10.
Tell the people you love how much you love them every chance you get. Never
assume they know.
11.
Don't worry about things you cannot change or do anything about. Accept them
and move on.
12.
Read more and dust less.
13.
Spend more time with your family and friends and less time working.
14.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to
endure. Recognize these moments now, and cherish them.
15.
Do not "save" anything. Use your good china and crystal for every
special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the next blossom
of flowers you see.
16.
Wear your best outfit to the market.
17.
Don't save your good perfume for only special occasions. Use it even if you are
going shopping or just to the bank.
18.
"Someday" and "one of these days" should vanish from your vocabulary.
If something is worth seeing, hearing or doing, go and see, hear or do it now.
03 December 2013
A Pit
I think I'm struggling with depression ... I don't know. Something feels off ... Thats all I know.
22 November 2013
The Craziest 3 Weeks!
I have been "on the run" the craziest!
I enjoy blogging and sharing what I'm learning. However, it's the lowest priority right now. I don't remember being THIS busy when I was in middle and high school. Oh ... probably because I WASN'T! LOL
My daughter is in the drama club; she had a play not long ago. My son had a Taekwondo tournament and testing. Now, the musical audition has started and those practices will begin soon! Jazz Band is meeting after school ... it is run, run, run! ARGH!
I enjoyed Mary Southerland's "A Balanced Life". What I have learned is ... I can redeem the time I spend in car rider lines. Those can become my quiet moments in Bible Study. Then there is the "carve time out" for God. It's not going to be natural, not going to feel natural. It is a choice and takes deliberate action. I'm now working on her "Holiday Blues" study. It really continues where "A Balanced Life" leaves off.
The part I really enjoyed about Week 1's study is Mary tells the story of taking all the Christmas decorations down. Her husband comes home and asked what she done that day. She said she did her list of things in the most pathetic voice she could muster and ended her list with her back hurting. He pretty much tells her she doesn't have a back "problem" but a head "problem" and she had him explain that! What it boiled down to is priorities. She been in a car accident, they were keeping the grandkids, this thing was going on and that thing was going on "why put out so many Christmas decorations?" "why feel the need to 'not wait' for help in taking them down?"
I CAN relate to her husband here! I feel like Christ gets left out in our home each Christmas because of the decorations and the cooking. I'm going to shoot strait. My mother is a "gotta have Christmas lights from one end of the trailer to the other end" each year kind of lady. Each Christmas Day she "has to cook both a ham and a turkey because not everyone likes one or the other". As the day comes to end what I hear is "I had ALL this dinner to cook by myself .... I had no help in the kitchen" and this is after she has run us out of the kitchen because it is too small for her and us to be in there! Then after Christmas Day, the weather is never in favor of us taking down the Christmas lights right away and she wants them "now" and well .... Here's my thinking. If ALL this is so much trouble, why do it? If it becomes "all about my sacrifice", why do it at all? It's not about "my sacrifice"! Nope! It's about God's sacrifice! Even though Jesus may not have been born in the Winter, we celebrate His birth. That IS the beginning of God's sacrifice! He SENT His Son to us!
Now, let us shift to churches. Churches are the worst! LOL We try to cram all kinds of programs into one month! Adult cantatas. Children's plays and songs. Parties. This practice and this schedule. Then we wonder why we collapse on Christmas Day exhausted. There are 11 months out of the year to program! Why do we try to cram it all into one? Instead of trying to fit both adults and kids into the month ... give me the kids for Christmas, their antics bring comic relief to a stressful season! I love seeing the little ones step up to a microphone all confident in their parts and then ... then that look of shyness comes across their face ... that little grin shines and they lower their little heads a bit. Either the mom or the children's worker whispers them the part. Just precious! I always got a kick out of watching my son! Not because he's mine BUT because of how he gets into a song! He can't stand still! And when that song is down in his heart, he sings out and his whole face opens wide as his mouth! He's going from foot to foot, throwing his head back to sing it! LOL I've seen other kids who do that as well!! Let the kids have Christmas and give the adults Easter. LOL
Where I'm going with any this is ... If the decorating, programming, and cooking is causing anyone to say "look at what 'I' am doing and how 'I' feel" then Christ has been left out of Christmas. Whether that be home, church, work, or where ever we go.
Whether we spell Christmas as in "Christmas" or "Xmas", the only time we "x" out Christ is when we use the letter "I".
I enjoy blogging and sharing what I'm learning. However, it's the lowest priority right now. I don't remember being THIS busy when I was in middle and high school. Oh ... probably because I WASN'T! LOL
My daughter is in the drama club; she had a play not long ago. My son had a Taekwondo tournament and testing. Now, the musical audition has started and those practices will begin soon! Jazz Band is meeting after school ... it is run, run, run! ARGH!
I enjoyed Mary Southerland's "A Balanced Life". What I have learned is ... I can redeem the time I spend in car rider lines. Those can become my quiet moments in Bible Study. Then there is the "carve time out" for God. It's not going to be natural, not going to feel natural. It is a choice and takes deliberate action. I'm now working on her "Holiday Blues" study. It really continues where "A Balanced Life" leaves off.
The part I really enjoyed about Week 1's study is Mary tells the story of taking all the Christmas decorations down. Her husband comes home and asked what she done that day. She said she did her list of things in the most pathetic voice she could muster and ended her list with her back hurting. He pretty much tells her she doesn't have a back "problem" but a head "problem" and she had him explain that! What it boiled down to is priorities. She been in a car accident, they were keeping the grandkids, this thing was going on and that thing was going on "why put out so many Christmas decorations?" "why feel the need to 'not wait' for help in taking them down?"
I CAN relate to her husband here! I feel like Christ gets left out in our home each Christmas because of the decorations and the cooking. I'm going to shoot strait. My mother is a "gotta have Christmas lights from one end of the trailer to the other end" each year kind of lady. Each Christmas Day she "has to cook both a ham and a turkey because not everyone likes one or the other". As the day comes to end what I hear is "I had ALL this dinner to cook by myself .... I had no help in the kitchen" and this is after she has run us out of the kitchen because it is too small for her and us to be in there! Then after Christmas Day, the weather is never in favor of us taking down the Christmas lights right away and she wants them "now" and well .... Here's my thinking. If ALL this is so much trouble, why do it? If it becomes "all about my sacrifice", why do it at all? It's not about "my sacrifice"! Nope! It's about God's sacrifice! Even though Jesus may not have been born in the Winter, we celebrate His birth. That IS the beginning of God's sacrifice! He SENT His Son to us!
Now, let us shift to churches. Churches are the worst! LOL We try to cram all kinds of programs into one month! Adult cantatas. Children's plays and songs. Parties. This practice and this schedule. Then we wonder why we collapse on Christmas Day exhausted. There are 11 months out of the year to program! Why do we try to cram it all into one? Instead of trying to fit both adults and kids into the month ... give me the kids for Christmas, their antics bring comic relief to a stressful season! I love seeing the little ones step up to a microphone all confident in their parts and then ... then that look of shyness comes across their face ... that little grin shines and they lower their little heads a bit. Either the mom or the children's worker whispers them the part. Just precious! I always got a kick out of watching my son! Not because he's mine BUT because of how he gets into a song! He can't stand still! And when that song is down in his heart, he sings out and his whole face opens wide as his mouth! He's going from foot to foot, throwing his head back to sing it! LOL I've seen other kids who do that as well!! Let the kids have Christmas and give the adults Easter. LOL
Where I'm going with any this is ... If the decorating, programming, and cooking is causing anyone to say "look at what 'I' am doing and how 'I' feel" then Christ has been left out of Christmas. Whether that be home, church, work, or where ever we go.
Whether we spell Christmas as in "Christmas" or "Xmas", the only time we "x" out Christ is when we use the letter "I".
05 November 2013
Day 5 of Thankfulness
Nope. You won't find Days 1 through 4. I'm not going to keep up as much on the blog as I will on Facebook. This morning I saw a beautiful sunrise ... yesterday morning I saw a beautiful sunrise ...
One of my favorite songs is called "By Faith". The first couple of lines go like this: By faith we can see the hand of God, in the light of creation's grand design. THAT came to my mind today as I saw the sun's rays on the clouds! The oranges, pinks, and purples! They were those deep Autumn colors, not the pastels. They were the colder shades of those colors. They were painted in such a way that my eyes didn't want to stop looking. Humbled.
I thought to myself "How can anyone look at that and not see God's hand?" Only God can paint such art in the sky!
So, this 5th day of November, I am thankful for Cloudy Autumn Sunrises! They remind Who holds the paint brush!
30 October 2013
#MovingForward
When I started into A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, I wasn't to sure this was the right Study for me because it is so similar to "I'm Not Good Enough" and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves by Sharon Jaynes. Let me tell you something ... Are they similar? YES! Are they the exact same? NO! The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is He inspires each of us differently based on our experiences. Chapter 4 in A Confident Heart, really helped me get down to a real "heart" issue.
Several years ago, I did something very STUPID! The enemy had me right where he wanted me, in the dark. In the dark about how God views me. In the dark about the people in my life who love me how they view me. I had experienced A LOT of rejection in my life. I will give the cliff note version.
I learned as a child that my dad wasn't my biological father. However, when he and mom divorced, it was a bitter, nasty divorce. Of course paternity test were done that showed I wasn't his daughter, my mom in her pain, wouldn't allow him to be in my life (probably a good thing because he had issues that came out later on). I never met my biological father. When I went to college, I wrote a letter ... "Hey, I'm your daughter ..." got a letter back "You are mistaken, I don't have any children" of course I had the DNA test that proved 99.9% he is (was) my biological father. One time I sent him a photo of his grandchildren without my return address because I knew I couldn't handle him rejecting my children. I had one boyfriend after another looking for "love", "acceptance", and "security". Each one just used me up and moved on. My marriage was the same way! When the divorce happened, I was glad to be getting a divorce. However, the years of being rejected by my husband left me pretty scarred up.
A couple of years after the divorce, I did a really STUPID thing! I actually scared myself! Once God got a hold of me and shook me up a little, seriously, I was in a downward spiral ... Once He got me to take a good look at what I was doing, I threw away the webcam! (That's all the detail you are getting! LOL) I know God forgave me!! It is covered under the blood! However, I have lived in fear of my children finding out. What would they think of me? Would they hate me? Call me a hypocrite? Would they never speak to me again? I've been more afraid "What if they go into politics? Those mudslingers dig up every piece of dirt possible on each family member?" I'd die! Not because of what people would think of me but only because of it hurting my kids and embarrass them. God had forgiven me but I hadn't forgiven myself. I was ashamed. I was angry that I had done such a STUPID thing. I was even more angry because I knew I had rebelled on purpose against what is pleasing to God! I was afraid. Afraid of the future. So, Monday morning, I cried all the way to work! I laid it out! Know what? God was like "Just tell your kids. Talk them just like you talk to Me and tell them before they learn it from someone else. It's no big deal. Once it is no longer a secret, the enemy can't hold you captive. I know about it and still love you! Matter of fact, I only remember it because YOU haven't let go of it."
Do you know how free I feel?!?!?! I haven't spoken with the kids yet but I do plan on it when there is a time where it is just me and them. Maybe ... maybe my story will keep them from doing the same STUPID thing! I'm serious when I put that in caps! I've made a lot of bad choices in my life but that one time (not once but "one" meaning that area in my time line) in my dark place has to be the most STUPID thing.
I'm now free to move forward! The funny thing is I'm also reading and working through Loose It For Life by Stephen Arterburn, M. ED. and Dr Linda Mintle. The first chapter or first week goes right along with A Confident Heart! Talks about loosing weight on the spiritual level. Basic summary is before working on the surface (the physical weight) gotta work on the spiritual weight. I don't know if I'll loose physical weight or not BUT I have lost a heavy spiritual load this week!
If you are a man or woman who is struggling with hurt, shame, fear, guilt, anxiety over something done to you OR something done by you; God loves you! You don't have to clean up your act to win His love. You don't have to clean up your act to win His forgiveness. His redeeming love is FREE! All you have to do is take it! He'll do the rest!
Several years ago, I did something very STUPID! The enemy had me right where he wanted me, in the dark. In the dark about how God views me. In the dark about the people in my life who love me how they view me. I had experienced A LOT of rejection in my life. I will give the cliff note version.
I learned as a child that my dad wasn't my biological father. However, when he and mom divorced, it was a bitter, nasty divorce. Of course paternity test were done that showed I wasn't his daughter, my mom in her pain, wouldn't allow him to be in my life (probably a good thing because he had issues that came out later on). I never met my biological father. When I went to college, I wrote a letter ... "Hey, I'm your daughter ..." got a letter back "You are mistaken, I don't have any children" of course I had the DNA test that proved 99.9% he is (was) my biological father. One time I sent him a photo of his grandchildren without my return address because I knew I couldn't handle him rejecting my children. I had one boyfriend after another looking for "love", "acceptance", and "security". Each one just used me up and moved on. My marriage was the same way! When the divorce happened, I was glad to be getting a divorce. However, the years of being rejected by my husband left me pretty scarred up.
A couple of years after the divorce, I did a really STUPID thing! I actually scared myself! Once God got a hold of me and shook me up a little, seriously, I was in a downward spiral ... Once He got me to take a good look at what I was doing, I threw away the webcam! (That's all the detail you are getting! LOL) I know God forgave me!! It is covered under the blood! However, I have lived in fear of my children finding out. What would they think of me? Would they hate me? Call me a hypocrite? Would they never speak to me again? I've been more afraid "What if they go into politics? Those mudslingers dig up every piece of dirt possible on each family member?" I'd die! Not because of what people would think of me but only because of it hurting my kids and embarrass them. God had forgiven me but I hadn't forgiven myself. I was ashamed. I was angry that I had done such a STUPID thing. I was even more angry because I knew I had rebelled on purpose against what is pleasing to God! I was afraid. Afraid of the future. So, Monday morning, I cried all the way to work! I laid it out! Know what? God was like "Just tell your kids. Talk them just like you talk to Me and tell them before they learn it from someone else. It's no big deal. Once it is no longer a secret, the enemy can't hold you captive. I know about it and still love you! Matter of fact, I only remember it because YOU haven't let go of it."
Do you know how free I feel?!?!?! I haven't spoken with the kids yet but I do plan on it when there is a time where it is just me and them. Maybe ... maybe my story will keep them from doing the same STUPID thing! I'm serious when I put that in caps! I've made a lot of bad choices in my life but that one time (not once but "one" meaning that area in my time line) in my dark place has to be the most STUPID thing.
I'm now free to move forward! The funny thing is I'm also reading and working through Loose It For Life by Stephen Arterburn, M. ED. and Dr Linda Mintle. The first chapter or first week goes right along with A Confident Heart! Talks about loosing weight on the spiritual level. Basic summary is before working on the surface (the physical weight) gotta work on the spiritual weight. I don't know if I'll loose physical weight or not BUT I have lost a heavy spiritual load this week!
If you are a man or woman who is struggling with hurt, shame, fear, guilt, anxiety over something done to you OR something done by you; God loves you! You don't have to clean up your act to win His love. You don't have to clean up your act to win His forgiveness. His redeeming love is FREE! All you have to do is take it! He'll do the rest!
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