Living In The Promise: Proverbs 31 OBS

Showing posts with label Proverbs 31 OBS. Show all posts

27 February 2014

Intentional Sacrifice

**Intentional Sacrifice: Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible?**

As I read the chapter 17 in Made To Crave (The Very Next Choice We Make), I found I needed to understand what sustainable means. Its a word I've used over my life time but never put it and discipline together. Do you know what I'm saying? We are looking at "maintainable" discipline. We are looking at an "encouraging" discipline. Is it even possible to "maintain" such a discipline? Is it possible to "maintain" discipline when it comes to the food in my life?

Well, to answer that question, I need to look at the other disciplines in my life. Is it possible for Vivian to have sustainable discipline when it comes to other choices? YES!

Why?

1) I don't want to rotate men in and out of my children's lives, therefore, I choose NOT to bar hop, pick up any Tom or Harry that gives me some sort of attention.

2) I don't want to displease God who has been so faithful in providing for me! I know there's not a man who can fill me nor complete me the way God can. If He wills for me to marry someday, He'll make it happen. If He doesn't want me to marry, then contently single I'll remain! :)

There's other disciplines I maintain too! Each one of these isn't by my own strength! Each one has two part accountability. There is God's Holy Spirit and then there is a person or people I do not wish to disappoint. It's God's Holy Spirit Who gives me the strength and reminds me there is something better in store for me when I choose to listen to His guidance, teachings, and shepherding. It's family, both my physical family and my spiritual family, who love me and want the best for me and I want the best for them.

So, why can't I have a sustainable discipline with food? All I have to do is apply the same concept!

1) I'm powerless on my own and need to rely on God's special gift ... The Holy Spirit.

2) I want to be around for my children's future stuff: graduations, weddings, even their children

3) I want to show God's faithfulness to others but I also want to show my faithfulness to Him; I want to be faithful to God's promptings and walk in His Spirit.

4) I want to be strong (physically) enough to help my elderly mother; and to help her quit worrying about my weight ... it really stresses her out because she knows I'm destined to have what she and my siblings have: heart disease and diabetes. My mother has NEVER been over weight BUT if she were, she wouldn't be able to keep her blood/sugar in check.

5) I want to present my body as a living sacrifice to God. (I heard a joke about living sacrifices! "The problem with living sacrifices is they crawl off the alter!" LOL Oh, how many times have I crawled off the alter?) A living sacrifice pretty much means what have I been willing to give up for Jesus Christ? If I were to be thrown in prison because of my faith ... And the guards rolled in this tray of good smelling food ... And said "In order to eat till your stomach is content, deny Jesus Christ" ... Would I be able to withstand the smells, the growling stomach, and say "Jesus is my Savior and LORD!" OR "Would I deny Jesus just to be able to eat?" Well ... I won't be able to withstand that temptation in prison if I can't withstand that temptation now!!

What choices do I need to make?

1) I need to plan my days better! Have bananas, apples, or something healthy to reach for when I am hungry but it's not time to eat the full meal

2) Don't buy junk food to be in the house that triggers my nose.

3) Breads. I LOVE BREADS! Name it! Know what my two favorites are? Pizza crust from like Domino's or Papa John's. AND Those croissant rolls from Sam's Club! Those are the top 2!! So, don't buy them! LOL If I have only one, I can't stop at one.

4) When making choices, include God in the decision making. Pray. When the cravings hit, pray.

5) One of the things I struggle with is scripture memory. I have managed to memorize some verses BUT what I have found is when the cravings hit, the brain shuts down. Keep scripture cards or verses written in a handy dandy purse size or pocket size book. Keep "go to scripts" on me at all times. When the cravings hit and the brain can only recall John 3:16, I can whip out another verse to go with it! Especially here in the beginning stages!

I love how people say "God will do ALL the work". Well, that's only partly true. There is something I have to do. I have to make the choice, the intentional sacrificial choice, to obey God. It's a contract. IF I'm willing to live in obedience and mercy, He's willing to give me the strength to live in obedience and mercy.

3. Intentional Sacrifice ~ Lysa talks about lasting, sustainable discipline and the importance of making one wise choice after another. What will this look like for you after our study ends? Do you believe it is possible? - See more at: http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/#sthash.veeX00YO.dpuf

05 February 2014

Delighting In Obedience?

Is THAT even possible? To "delight in obedience"?

YES!

When the kids' father and I divorced, we "dated" for a little while afterward. I use the word "dated" loosely. There was a part of me that wanted to put our family back together. I wanted to provide my children with a "whole" family ... complete with Mom and Dad ... Dad and Mom. Then something happened that scared me to death! The kids' father and I had sex. Yes! You read that right! We had sex outside the bonds of marriage. The little voice inside my head kept saying "It's ok. He was your husband. Aren't you still married in the eyes of God?" Then there was another voice. A disappointed voice ... "You AREN'T married now."

For 3 days God did not talk to me. Want to know what Hell on Earth is like? Folks, I can tell you! It is not hearing God's Voice. Not being in God's presence. It is a black moment when God is hurt and disappointed. I cried. I begged. I pleaded. When God opened up to me and spoke, it was stern, "matter of fact", and to the point. "Who provided means for you to get your car? Who provided you means to purchase much needed clothing? Who has put a roof over your head and food on your table? Who provided you the job you have? Who has opened the flood gates of Heaven and poured out blessings on you and has showered you with true love?"

Now, to some ... that might not sound like God. If you ever read the book of Job, you'll find a Voice just like that! God will be honest with us! At that point, I didn't care about how He sounded like a stern Father or a jealous Lover! I was so happy He was talking to me!

I had a problem. How would I get out of the tangled mess I was finding myself in? How was I going to avoid becoming the woman of "yesterday" again?

Obedience! Complete surrender of my desires ... that desire to be in a physical relationship. That desire for "me to fix my family". ALL my thoughts about what a perfect family is and should be surrendered.

I delight in obeying God because I have found when God says "Don't do ?????", He is looking out for my best interest! I have found when God says "Go ahead, do ??????", He is looking out for my best interest! Obeying God isn't about ALL this list of things I have to give up, it is about trusting God knows better than me. I have also discovered when I disobey God, I find myself in a world of crazy mess! Sometimes its not even the story I have described. It can be as simple as allowing the busy to take over my prayer life. I had that happen not long ago and my reaction at the end of the day didn't reveal a woman who walks in delightful obedience to the Living God! I'm not sure who that woman was THAT day! Some kind of ugly!

Now ... what I talked about at the beginning of this post IS a long time ago! I'm not defined by that moment. Even the other day when "the ugly" came out, I'm not defined by that moment either. However, I'm at a new place. Food and entertainment do not define me either!! God is calling me out to trust Him and lean on Him even more! I will delight in obedience to God's will and desires because He IS trustworthy, IS faithful, and DOES know what is best for me. It's time to surrender the gods in my life that keep me from experiencing the full Presence of God. When I find myself in a stressful situation and I choose whatever food is available to consume for comfort, that is me by-passing God and choosing food over Him. When I have had a long day and I don't want to deal with what is going on at home and I choose to lose myself in several episodes on Netflix, that is me by-passing God and choosing entertainment as an escape instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus and finding rest. God is now saying "Vivian, it's time. It's time to take our relationship up several steps. You are able to do it! I've been with you through many other hard patterns to break and I WILL be with you now. It's time. I want to tear down the idols on the shelf of your heart."

I was only going to share part of Isaiah 55. However, the whole chapter is more fitting! If you don't have time to read the whole thing, read the the bold parts:

“Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
    my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
    a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
    and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has endowed you with splendor.”

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever.”

30 January 2014

My Identity In Christ

Who am I?

Vivian the abandon? Vivian the rejected? Vivian the divorcee? Vivian the heavy set lady?

NO!!!

Vivian is God's workmanship! Depending on the version of the Bible, I am God's masterpiece!

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV)

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

Vivian, the forgiven child of God.

Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. Romans 3:24 (NLT)

Vivian, the set free child of God.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2 (NLT)

Vivian, the accepted child of God.

I am writing to God’s church in Corinth, to you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus, just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 1 Corinthians 1:2 (NLT)

Vivian, the holy child of God.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 1 Corinthians 1:30 (NLT)

Vivian, the made-new child of God.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

Vivian, the loved child of God. AND CHOSEN by God!

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4 (NLT)

Vivian, the close child of God.

But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13 (NLT)

Vivian, the confident child of God.

Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. Ephesians 3:12

Vivian, the victorious child of God.

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:37 (NLT)

Oh there is so much more!!! These don't even touch the "tip of the iceberg" of my identity in Christ! These are good promises for me to cling to. These are good promises for you to cling to! I am made for so much more than what the voices of my circumstances yell at me! I am made to crave God! I am made to love God! I am made to serve God with all my heart, soul, and strength! Sometime in like choices were made by others that hurt me. Sometime in life choices were made by me that hurt me. God is like ... "Let Me redeem that hurt and use it to help another who is hurting. Let Me have it, heal it, redeem it, and use it."

You are made for more!

I'd like to share a link with you. This lady isn't a part of the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study BUT she is the first person I read who's list started making me see me the way God sees me. Here is a direct link to Sharon Jaynes page with the list called My New Identity In Christ:

http://sharonjaynes.com/my-new-identity-in-christ/#sthash.BhYtss8m.dpbs

23 January 2014

Permissible But Not Beneficial

First, I'm enjoying the study on Made to Crave (M2C) byLysa TerKeurst through the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study. It is affirming another book I am working through called Lose It For Life (LIFL).

In LIFL, the writers mention once we turn 21 we are adults and can do WHATEVER we want. We can smoke cigarettes. We can have sex. We can go where we want and when we want. HOWEVER, many of these things cause problems. Just because we can doesn't mean we should.

Let's talk about the issue with sex. Just because our parents are not hovering over us doesn't make having sexual relationships outside of marriage beneficial. In my personal experience, many years ago, it left me feeling empty. I wanted to be loved so bad! There wasn't any security. The guy can go anytime he wanted and never hear from him again. No accountability. No responsibility. Emptiness. Rejection. Then there's the moment of complete desperation and fear no one would ever love me that I settled for someone who poured all kinds of physical attention on me. We did marry and we did divorce. That's my personal experience! It's a miracle I didn't contact a disease!! That's the other down side to sexual relationships that aren't in a sealed, committed marriage. Both men and women run a HIGH risk of getting a sexual disease. Another goes back to responsibility. What if a child is born? The "un-beneficial" could go on and on. Just because "we can" doesn't mean "we should". There are emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences to the mentality of "I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want!". Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial.

Now, I'll move to food. I'm 36 years old. I work for a living. I earn my money. Why can't I eat whatever I want to eat? Oreos are delicious! Nutella on waffles are a delight! Oh ... those chocolate chocolate chip muffins from Sam's are to DIE for! Then there are the potato chips. And the cheese sauces and dips. Oh the dinners a church can throw! Along with ice cream socials!! Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh, so delicious! I'm a good girl. I'm a single mom. I give up so much for my children and for God. I do all these things so right! I quit drinking alcohol years ago because I saw the path I was on. I've never smoked. I haven't ever abused drugs. I haven't been with a man since the divorce .... since the kids' dad. Why can't I have something that taste good? Why can't I have some pleasure?

Well, here's the problem. Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial. You see ... heart disease runs in my family and so does diabetes. In 2012, I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers Online. Life happened and I lost interest, lost my drive to want to. I gained it ALL back in 2013! I actually had a scare over the week end, thought I had gained more!! Turns out it was the swelling from being sick. Over the week end, the scale said 268. This morning (1/22/14) the scale said 261. I'm tired. I'm cranky. My mother is worried half to death I'm going to have a heart attack any day (my brother did have one at age 42). Just because I can eat whatever I want doesn't mean I should.

Food isn't evil. It's needed to nourish our bodies. There's nothing wrong with enjoying what we eat as long as it is in moderation. Food is a gift from God to us!

As far as the comment about how much I already sacrifice for my children and God ... Truth is ... God wants what is best for me! He wants my heart to be healthy and my blood sugar to be under control. He wants me to live the days He has numbered for me to the fullest. If I don't make changes, I won't get to do that. I may not live to see my daughter get married. I may not live to see my son graduate. The benefits of changing ARE far better than the the consequences of this mentality "It's my body, I can do what I want!" Just because it is permissible doesn't make it beneficial to me ... to God ... to my two beautiful children ... to my poor mother!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Hebrews 12:11-13 (NIV)

19 January 2014

Made to Crave -- Vivian's Take

Started the Proverbs Online Bible Study, Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I hope I can join in the blog hop on this one! I'd like to take time to write about an article by Christianity Today calling this "The Newest Gnostic Christian Diet".

First, "Made To Crave" isn't just about food. How many of us turn to drugs, sex, porn, shopping, alcohol or other things rather than to God? We all have a "God shaped" hole in our heart that leads us to crave Him. Instead of filling that hole with God, we fill it with other things and those things DO NOT satisfy! Only God, the Living God, can help me in my situations, not food.

Second, I'd like to address this in the article is this quote "TerKeurst doesn't advocate going without food, but she does advocate a rigid devotion to a "healthy eating plan" (plus exercise) of the reader's choice." Is this not what we call a "spiritual discipline" or "spiritual formation"?

Most of you know, I'm a member of the Church of the Nazarene. I'd like to quote one of our boys on the definition of spiritual formation:

“Spiritual Formation is a process of being transformed into Christlikeness, through communal practices and participation in the “means of grace,” while giving attention to the care of self, which is demonstrated in loving others and being actively engaged in God’s redemption of all humans and creation.”

Mark A. Maddix, 2011

Did you catch that? "Giving attention to the care of self" .... There was one section of the webcast Maddix talked about his diet and exercise routine! There is nothing wrong with a person having a "rigid diet and exercise routine" in place to help him/her to be healthy. Don't we encourage someone who is addicted to porn to avoid the magazine isle? Don't we say "Don't take an alcoholic to a bar"? What's the difference? Why is the addiction to food taken so lightly? In the book "Lose It For Life", the authors raise the question why isn't gluttony preached on? (Not a direct quote but a paraphrase.)

Food isn't bad. Food is needed for nourishment. Food CAN NOT become the god we turn to satisfy the crave God has placed in us for Him! It's not going to work! What happens is we begin to worship the gift rather than the Giver. This can be anything God has given us! When we focus on the gift rather than the Giver, we have a problem. Know what? It's okay to address that problem.

Are there bad foods? Yes. Are some foods bad for some people? Well ... lets see ... Doctors put heart patients on low sodium and lower fat diets. Doctors put diabetics on no sugar or low carb diets. So, YES!

Lysa will be the first to tell you she loves the boxed brownie mix! What I encourage you to do is this: just because someone in the "Christian" realm writes a review on a book, don't take their word for it. Read it for yourself. Don't just read it by itself. Read the Bible, which is the source of Truth, along with the book. Compare the book to what the Bible says. Test it against God's Word.

Here's the jest of things .... God created each of us to crave Him. Inside you, there is a God shaped hole. Whatever you are trying to put in that hole to feel fulfilled, will only leaving you feeling more empty. And this ... this is what "Made To Crave" is about!

With all this said, this is where God and me are at. This will be the GREATEST and MOST DIFFICULT of my struggles! It has been for 15 years. Food is how I have handled so many traumatizing situations. It makes me feel good to have that sweet in the moment of hurt and pain. Last year, I lost 50 pounds and I have gained it ALL back in the matter of months. I need help! I need God's help! I don't care if someone's feeling get hurt if I don't try her cake or pasta dish. This is my health. My brother had a heart attack at age 42. My sister is diabetic and takes blood pressure medicine. My mother has congestive heart failure, one working artery, and is diabetic too. This is about me needing to become healthy. Before I can become physically healthy, I have to find out the spiritual why's. I'm on the right track! In the "Lose It For Life" book, I have really did some soul searching. I'm discovering there are things I have never let God heal me on. I thought I had but the best to tell if there is real healing is how often we think about the hurt or pain ... how often we talk about it. God wants to redeem our story for His glory! We have to let Him!

Resources:

Lysa TerKeurst http://lysaterkeurst.com/made-to-crave/

ChristianityToday http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/march/newest-gnostic-christian-diet.html

And the PowerPoint from the Webcast: "Living the Life Spiritual Formation Defined"

30 October 2013

#MovingForward

When I started into A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, I wasn't to sure this was the right Study for me because it is so similar to "I'm Not Good Enough" and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves by Sharon Jaynes. Let me tell you something ... Are they similar? YES! Are they the exact same? NO! The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is He inspires each of us differently based on our experiences. Chapter 4 in A Confident Heart, really helped me get down to a real "heart" issue.

Several years ago, I did something very STUPID! The enemy had me right where he wanted me, in the dark. In the dark about how God views me. In the dark about the people in my life who love me how they view me. I had experienced A LOT of rejection in my life. I will give the cliff note version.

I learned as a child that my dad wasn't my biological father. However, when he and mom divorced, it was a bitter, nasty divorce. Of course paternity test were done that showed I wasn't his daughter, my mom in her pain, wouldn't allow him to be in my life (probably a good thing because he had issues that came out later on). I never met my biological father. When I went to college, I wrote a letter ... "Hey, I'm your daughter ..." got a letter back "You are mistaken, I don't have any children" of course I had the DNA test that proved 99.9% he is (was) my biological father. One time I sent him a photo of his grandchildren without my return address because I knew I couldn't handle him rejecting my children. I had one boyfriend after another looking for "love", "acceptance", and "security". Each one just used me up and moved on. My marriage was the same way! When the divorce happened, I was glad to be getting a divorce. However, the years of being rejected by my husband left me pretty scarred up.

A couple of years after the divorce, I did a really STUPID thing! I actually scared myself! Once God got a hold of me and shook me up a little, seriously, I was in a downward spiral ... Once He got me to take a good look at what I was doing, I threw away the webcam! (That's all the detail you are getting! LOL) I know God forgave me!! It is covered under the blood! However, I have lived in fear of my children finding out. What would they think of me? Would they hate me? Call me a hypocrite? Would they never speak to me again? I've been more afraid "What if they go into politics? Those mudslingers dig up every piece of dirt possible on each family member?" I'd die! Not because of what people would think of me but only because of it hurting my kids and embarrass them. God had forgiven me but I hadn't forgiven myself. I was ashamed. I was angry that I had done such a STUPID thing. I was even more angry because I knew I had rebelled on purpose against what is pleasing to God! I was afraid. Afraid of the future. So, Monday morning, I cried all the way to work! I laid it out! Know what? God was like "Just tell your kids. Talk them just like you talk to Me and tell them before they learn it from someone else. It's no big deal. Once it is no longer a secret, the enemy can't hold you captive. I know about it and still love you! Matter of fact, I only remember it because YOU haven't let go of it."

Do you know how free I feel?!?!?! I haven't spoken with the kids yet but I do plan on it when there is a time where it is just me and them. Maybe ... maybe my story will keep them from doing the same STUPID thing! I'm serious when I put that in caps! I've made a lot of bad choices in my life but that one time (not once but "one" meaning that area in my time line) in my dark place has to be the most STUPID thing.

I'm now free to move forward! The funny thing is I'm also reading and working through Loose It For Life by Stephen Arterburn, M. ED. and Dr Linda Mintle. The first chapter or first week goes right along with A Confident Heart! Talks about loosing weight on the spiritual level. Basic summary is before working on the surface (the physical weight) gotta work on the spiritual weight. I don't know if I'll loose physical weight or not BUT I have lost a heavy spiritual load this week!

If you are a man or woman who is struggling with hurt, shame, fear, guilt, anxiety over something done to you OR something done by you; God loves you! You don't have to clean up your act to win His love. You don't have to clean up your act to win His forgiveness. His redeeming love is FREE! All you have to do is take it! He'll do the rest!

24 October 2013

Unfailing Love

You, O LORD, have been my Shield!
There are times when You have protected me from my own stupidity!
You have guarded me around every turn,
And guided me in the direction You desire me to go.
Even when I chose a path that made You sad,
Your Spirit gently brought me back to Your path!

At my low point,
You blessed me with Your Presence!
When I chose to do something shameful,
You loved me anyway!
I broke Your heart into
But You spared me the agony and didn't hold it against me!
You asked me "Why?"
But You know the answer ...
You knew I needed to be wanted, loved, and desired!

You are my Lover!
You poured out every ounce of Yourself
To draw me to You!
You have shared parts of Your mysteries
So I'd trust You with my heart.
You spoke to me with such tenderness
That I couldn't no longer avoid yielding to Your
Kind affection.

You never gave up on me!

Jesus ... You are Unfailing Love!

17 October 2013

#PerfectLove

What is "perfect love"? Simple! Loving and giving love without conditions! That is God's love, pure and true. God loves us even when we are in rebellion against Him! His Holy Spirit moves, drawing us to desire to be in a relationship with Him even while we spit in His face! THAT is LOVE!

My story of God's perfect love happened in a stairwell when I was about 20 years old. I was living with my boyfriend. I had been raised in church, had accepted Christ as a child, and left Him when I left home for college in Louisville. I was working in Nashville. Yes, those two cities are far apart! I had wondered far from God's will and plan! Anyway, I recognized the Voice. That still, non-accusing Voice ... "Come home" "I'm here" "This isn't what I planned for you" "Vivian, I love you!"

One day, The Spirit was more than I could bare! I think I knew the "man" I was living with didn't really love me. I also think that there was a part of me who knew he'd never fill the desire of perfect love that I was so long to experience. I was lost! I was broken searching for something I didn't understand because I had never really experienced "perfect love". I went into one of the rarely used stairwells and cried. I cried out to Jesus and He heard my heart's scream!

The road has been rough and long. When I look back, my only regret is I didn't have a stairwell moment sooner! I can see how God was working in my favor to bring me to the stairwell moment. I can also see where I would have had a stairwell moment sooner BUT it was my own stubborn choices that dodged Him. He didn't give up!

Have I always obeyed Him since that moment? No. He had to teach me and train me He IS TRUSTWORTHY! There are things I'm ashamed of doing BUT those are ALL covered by His perfect love and He will NOT hold them against me! Thank You, Jesus!

(Blog for the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study blog hop)

12 September 2013

Psalm 81:10

This is the final week in the Proverbs Online Bible Study "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God". The final entry for this round of of Blog Hops. I'm looking forward to the next study! "A Confident Heart" ... Visit Proverbs 31's site for how you can sign up! (Click here to visit site!!)

One of the topics to choose from this week is: "What does Psalm 81:10 mean to you (me)?" To read it in just one version or translation, doesn't really do it justice! In closing, I'll include parallel looks at the verse. What came to my mind is a conversation that took place this past Saturday in Walmart.

I took Mom to Walmart to get a few things. As we were making our trek across the store, we saw some "friends". I knew the mother better than the daughter with her. As I listened to the daughter talk about her life, I could hear in her words she doesn't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Her divorce took place 10 years ago, she still desires justice, she feels like all her hopes and dreams are still shattered, that she won't forgive--can't forgive because justice hasn't been served, she wants him to feel as miserable as she feels. Anger, bitterness just gushed from her.

The Holy Spirit was like "Vivian, you've always said 'I don't know what my life would have been like if I hadn't had God; if I hadn't had a godly support system'. Well, here's what your life would look like now without Me."

Divorce wasn't the Egypt God rescued me from. A horrible marriage was part of the Egypt. Know what my Egypt was? Rejection! Life without a loving father! The lies that "I'm not good enough"!

God has shown me so much love! He has poured out every ounce of His energy into accepting me, being my Father, and showing me I am good enough! (Ok, not every ounce of His energy BUT I think you understand what I mean by that phrase!)

All He was waiting for me to do was to open up to Him! He would have blessed me in my teen years and early 20s if I had just surrendered to Him and opened up for Him to pour out His blessings!

God rescued me from a very personal Egypt! When I opened the mouth of my heart, He poured Himself into me! He has blessed me with:

1) A loving physical family. My mother, sister, brother, sister-in-law, my 2 precious children.

2) A loving spiritual family. My home church, BGFirst. My brothers and sisters in other churches. Especially, my down the road, over the creek, up the hill Sister in Christ.

3) He has blessed me with a job, car, and a few other things too.

4) Peace. The ability to forgive and surrender my right to justice to Him!

Know what? He's not finished!

The encounter in Walmart wasn't just for me. It was for her too! I'm praying for her! I'm praying she'll allow God to rescue her from her Egypt! I'm praying she'll open the mouth of her heart and allow God to pour Himself into her!

Yes, she's been divorced 10 years. I've been single again for 8. Know what the difference is? 1) Divorced represents brokenness 2) Single Again represents completeness. I am complete, made whole in Christ!

NLT: For it was I, the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.

MSG: I’m God, your God, the very God who rescued you from doom in Egypt, Then fed you all you could eat, filled your hungry stomachs.

NCV: I, the Lord, am your God, who brought you out of Egypt. Open your mouth and I will feed you.

LB: For it was I, Jehovah your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. Only test me! Open your mouth wide and see if I won’t fill it. You will receive every blessing you can use!

05 September 2013

#FreshVision

It's Thursday! Time for the weekly blog hop with the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study!!

Sound excite? Normally, I would be very excited but I'm feeling under the weather. I hope this post will convey my true feelings! I AM EXCITED!

I attend a not so mega church (about 110 average) here in little ole Bowling Green, KY. About 19 months ago, we got this crazy new pastor. He came in and went right to work. Found data on our area, data about the unchurched. He put together a refocus committee, to take a good look at our church. This past summer, he had us do the unthinkable! We quit having Sunday School on Sunday Mornings!!

I have to admit ... I was a little leery of this move because I didn't know when my kids would get to attend with me working a day job and then another at night. After the first couple of Sundays of not having to be at church by 9:45 ... Fell in love with the new schedule!! All "Sunday School" for kids and teens moved to Wednesday Nights. We have made the shift from "Wednesday Night Sunday School" to "Wednesday Night LIFE Groups". There is one LIFE Group for adults on Sunday mornings, a men's LIFE Group and women's too that meet twice a month, an adult LIFE Group on Monday and on Thursday.

What does this have to do about fresh vision? EVERYTHING! I was more worried about me and my kids than about reaching the lost.

By the end of Summer Break, I was able to quit my night job so I could take my kids to their LIFE Groups on Wednesday night! I'm so thankful for that!

But this still isn't the fresh vision ...

The fresh vision is reaching as many people as possible for Christ!

We have started a Capital Campaign to raise funds to add onto our current building. After the new structure is in place the current sanctuary will be remodeled into a Children's Worship area and the current "fellowship hall" and classrooms will become the Teen Worship area!!

Here's the thing. This isn't the field of dreams where "if you build it they will come". No. This is different. This is "if you don't build it no one is going to stay". Church buildings are tools and only tools. With more space, we can invite AA or NA to meet in our building, we can offer it Boy Scout troops. Maybe even on day participate in the Upward program! With the space we can offer ourselves to our community!

Even our name has changed! By accident but it works. We used to be called First Church of the ....... Over the years, because there are several First Churches on our district, it became know as BGFirst. Now our logo has it as BGFirst. When I first saw it ... It hit me!

Bowling Green First. Bowling Green 1st! Our name (to me) means Bowling Green comes first! Wait ... Jesus comes first! Bowling Green comes first in front of us. In order to reach my hometown for Christ, my needs have to come 2nd. I have to have a heart for people! I have to capture God's vision to love those who are on the outside of His Kingdom and being them in with His love. It's NOT about me! It's about Jesus!

29 August 2013

Life Interrupted

I was 27 years old when my beautiful little girl started Kindergarten. I never will forget the day I received the letter from school about behavioral issues. My idea at the time of "behavioral issues" was "acting up in class", "talking out of turn", or "running in the hallway". It was a Wednesday because I remember taking the letter to a friend of mine at church who was a school teacher. She assured me it wasn't about "bad behavior" but about something the school noticed about my daughter.

I went to a meeting. I gave permission for them to test my daughter.

In October 2004, I returned to the school for another meeting ... Their discovery. My daughter was diagnosed with Autism -- Severe. I was alone. Her father was at work. It was just me. Listening to them pick a part my daughter. I remember the school psychologist saying "We may have to bus her to Briarwood to learn the basics". "What are the basics?" I asked .... "To learn to eat with a fork and other motor skills."

Life became VERY interrupted!

The children's father and I weren't exactly a team. We argued A LOT! He had issues. I had issues. In November 2004, we received a letter from Public Housing (where we lived) that if back rent for two months wasn't paid ASAP eviction process would begin. Long story short, the kids and I went one direction (to live with my mother who so graciously allowed us to move in with her) and he went another direction that December.

Life became VERY interrupted!

What God has done over the past 9 years IS amazing!

With my daughter she did cheerleading and basketball with the Upward program. In the 6th grade, she joined the elementary band and plays the clarinet (even today!). This past summer she went to camp at the Southern Kentucky Performing Arts Center (SKyPac as we all it here) and fell in love with drama. She's very social able. She likes helping in the toddler room at church. She loves writing and drawing, especially drawing.

God has taught me "how to over come". He's also given me a new perspective on judging people! Give someone a chance. Don't always look down the nose at the mom with the wild child in McDonald's. Don't assume the "wild child" isn't being disciplined! Sometimes what is deemed by society as "bad behavior" is actually the child's way of communicating.

God has taught me about Himself. My daughter has a deep faith in God! His Holy Spirit has worked wonders in her puzzle of a mind! I'm getting goose bumps thinking about it! She loves to read her Bible and draws in it. "Oh, that's sacrilege!" No. That's how this girl expresses love to her God! I'm convinced God gives my daughter whatever she ask of Him! It's amazing to watch! She prays and it is as if Heaven gets real quiet and God stops what He's doing to listen to every word she says ... or in her case ... every word she writes! My daughter has a "Dear God" journal. Its filled with her prayers and drawings. She truly BELIEVES God will do what He says!!

That's the kind of faith God desires me to have!!

With the divorce, God has taught me to trust completely in Him. The biggest problem is people thinking I need a husband. Can't they see? Can't they see God wants to be my everything? Can't they see how happy my children are? They don't have to worry about whether Mom's love is going to be divided or not. Can't they see God wants credit for being my Provider? Credit for being the kids' Provider? No, they can't. I can. I don't need a man to complete me and make me whole! No man can! It's not even fair for a woman to place such a burden on any man. Only a relationship with Jesus Christ can complete me and make me whole.

Yeah ... God has a way of working things out for the good and His glory! Those little bumps in the road are just ways of getting our attention.

#stickwith in #yestoGod :) at age 36 :)

22 August 2013

#AMAZED

I'm not sure where to begin! I never thought God could use me much for anything. Over the past few couple of years, He has #AMAZED me!

I love to journal my prayers. This past January my church joined with Moms In Prayer International to launch a MiPi Group to be praying for the high school in our church's neighborhood. We met each Sunday night at 5 PM until May. As the school year ended, I was front row seat to a conversation between a police officer and a teacher from that particular high school. The police did NOT have to respond to a single felony at that high school during the 2012-13 school year!!

I started using the Four Steps of Prayer in my daily life. One of my friends and I shared scripture prayer text messages. One thing led to another and I was sending out prayer text using the Four Steps of Prayer to 12 ladies, with the two youngest being the age 16!! We titled ourselves "The Prayer Squad". We say we are in prayer boot camp. LOL

The new school year has started. Moms In Prayer meets each Sunday evening at 5 PM. NO ONE has showed up but me! I was discouraged until my dear sister in Christ and Associate Pastor shared something with me about offering of faithfulness. She said (paraphrase) you've dedicated this time for this purpose, if no one else shows up see it as God teaching you about something, see it as an offering to Him. There was a lot more wisdom to what she said but that was the basics. So, I encouraged The Prayer Squad to pray for the schools! Gave them a list of schools with kids from our church/and group attend, including the neighborhood school (which our 2 teens attend! not everyone on the Squad attend my church nor live in the same state!).

Ready for this?
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Are you sure?
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Wanna know what God is doing?
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Can I draw it out just a little bit longer?
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Are you in a hurry?
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Oh, ok. I'll tell you!!

The same teacher from paragraph 2 and I were talking this past Tuesday night. I asked her how the school year is going. She shared how smooth it is and how there is a peace. She shared that several teachers have come to her all baffled about the students being so calm. She said it is really different! Unusual! That's when I shared with her there is a group of us praying specifically for that high school. Her face lit up!! She said "That's it!!" She went on to say she's going to tell the other teachers there is a group praying for their school.

So, yeah. I'm the only one who shows up for the Moms In Prayer meeting ... I have a feeling that will change soon. However, there is a Squad of women praying! I never thought God would take my love for journaling prayers to Him and turn it into leading women in prayer through Email and text messages. God is MOVING too! Not just in this area about this high school, but He's moving and answering prayers left and right! I'm so #AMAZED! I shouldn't be! I shouldn't expect anything less!! What amazes me is He wanted me to be one of His tools! I will continue to offer Him the sacrifice of faithfulness. Will you join me in offering Him this special offering?

15 August 2013

Vivian's #SayWhat

The first time a good friend of mine asked me "Vivian, what ministry is God calling you to do?" I looked at her and said "God calling me? No way!" That was the beginning of something that isn't complete yet!

Over the course of a year or so, godly friends questioned me about God calling me into the ministry. Now, I was like "The day God does that, the church will fall down!" In my mind (at that time), I was thinking ministry meant minister or pastor or clergy. To me, these people were nuts and I knew I didn't have what it would take for God to ask me to join in any thing, no longer join the "ministry".

Long story short, God cornered me twice. The most significant moment was at work. I was entering the first floor ladies' restroom to clean it. I felt this heavy presence. I knew Who that was! I had felt His strong Presence before when He claimed me as His daughter. I knew the strength in this Presence. I knew the purity in this Presence. I knew the familiarity of this Presence. God does speak audibly. It's hard to explain. It's not like everyone else can hear Him. It's Him speaking in my heart's ear. My spirit and His Spirit. It's an inside audible Voice. It's not ALL the time because He uses other venues (that's for another story!). He made it clear He wanted me in the ministry. I still wasn't convinced He had the right person. So, I pulled a Gideon! I laid a "fleece" out before God. If this is really what You are wanting, sometime within the next hour if I hear these words or phrases 'Is God calling you to preach?" "Is God calling you into the ministry?" then I'll know beyond the shadow of doubt this is what You want. He said "Fair enough" and the heaviness of the Presence lifted. Well ... I posted on Facebook something that eluded to the fleece but not details as to what was going on. It was an average post on Facebook that pretty much said "God is NUTS!!" I didn't mention the Presence. I didn't ministry. Nothing like that. Most of my friends tried guessing what was going on but weren't in the ball park. Within moments of the post and laughing at the guesses, I received a private message from a friend. "When are you going to admit God is calling you to preach?"

"I give up, LORD! I am YOUR'S!"

Now, preaching isn't the area God is calling me to that I'm aware of BUT I do know I'm on track with whatever His idea of ministry looks like. Ministry ... Ladies, listen ... read this very carefully ... Ministry is serving others. Ministry is ministering to the needs of someone. Ministry is being Jesus to someone. Preaching is only a dimes worth a part of ministry. It is one thing in a sea of thousands of things. A ministry can be as simple as sitting with your best friend while she tells you her marriage is falling a part ... that moment when you reach across and take her hand to offer her comfort ... when you pray with her. Ministry isn't just this "gotta get behind the pulpit and preach God's Word today". Ministry is obeying that command Jesus gave "Love one another as I have loved you!"

So, what is God asking of you? What are you saying "#saywhat to?

PS ... Yes. I've had to do SOME speaking! And YES, I'm working on becoming some fancy title within my church denomination. It will require training. God qualifies those He calls.

08 August 2013

With All My Heart/Strength

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5

What does it mean to me to love God with ALL my heart, soul, and strength?

One day, Jesus was asked, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" and Jesus answered, "What does the Law say? How do you read it?" The man answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:25-37 for this scene)

The key phrase Jesus ask is "How do you read it?" Jesus is a teacher! A good teacher ask questions that make us think. If you notice, Jesus didn't say to "love God with all your mind" the man said it! The man read between the lines and realized he had to love God with even his thoughts!

Love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength: How do I read that? What does it mean to me?

1) It means I must make a daily choice to live surrendered to God's will. The heart is the well spring of life! My mouth will utter my heart's desires. In order for my life to point to God, He has to have FULL occupancy of my heart. He has to occupy my every corner and crevice of my heart.

2) It means I must daily yield full control of my will. The soul is the very essence of what I am. My passions, desires, dreams, thoughts. I must give Him all of that! My passions traded in for His passions. My desires traded in for His desires. My dreams traded in for His plans. My thoughts focused on Him and not me.

3) It means I must make a priority change. Where does my strength come from? My strength comes from the Lord ... OR does it? To me, strength has a double role here. There is PHYSICAL strength and there is SPIRITUAL strength.
*Physical. I have struggled long with my weight. In March 2012, I weighed 265 pounds. In November of 2012, I weighed 215 pounds. I NOW weigh 245 pounds. In Dec 2012, I took on a night job. The kids father had stopped paying child support in August 2012. I needed a part time job to go with day job. Going from 430 am till 10:30 pm is a LONG day. I started munching again. I was more tired and physically stressed. Once Spring 2013 came along, I paid off credit card debt with the income tax return! I FELT so FREE! That's when the night job felt like a HUGE burden. What made me realize I needed to quit the night job as soon as possible is when I failed to read my son's black belt testing schedule right. I was tired. I was worn out. The brain was no longer functioning. I've been off my night job for almost two weeks! I took 3 days off from my day job just to rest and do some things that NEEDED to be done! I have recommitted to my weight loss.

Here's the question: What good am I to God if I'm tired all the time? There is a reason God rested on the 7th day! He doesn't slumber nor sleep. Why did He rest? To set the example for us! We are human and need the rest but ...

*Spiritual. We can't do anything without God's help! Without that special time with God each day where we are feeding on His Word, drinking in His company through the Body of Believers; we become weak. We need nourishment that can only come from God! Jesus wasn't joking when He did Communion with His close friends. "Here's my body, take and eat" Jesus is the Word of God, we have to devour Him! Dive into His teachings and feast on every word! "Here is my blood, take and drink" Jesus is the Living Rock from which the Living Water flows. To get refreshed, we much drink Him in!

If Jesus were to ask me how I read this particular piece of Bread, I'd have to say it means God wants to be my EVERYTHING! He wants to be my heart beat, He wants to be my soul mate, He wants to be my muscle.

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